slowing down.

I just had the best Granny Smith apple of my entire life (well, half of one). And the best bite of banana ever. Yes, I ended my fast this morning, on Day 5. I'm not too bummed out about it, it was my first fast and I learned a lot, I'm sure it won't be the last one. I just need some more energy at hand to accomplish what I need to accomplish this week. Y'know?

So it's fruit and raw vegetables only for the first day back on the horse. I'm really looking forward to chewing. Then pureed cooked vegetables and fruits as well as whole grains can be introduced. No fat until Day 3. Now we go vegetarian for the rest of the month as a more practical exercise in discipline. Recipe/plans to follow.

Oh, and caffeine? I missed you. SO MUCH. Welcome back.

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Today I'll be making borscht for tomorrow and points thereafter, based on this recipe. I say borscht, but I have a feeling that no Eastern European would consider this a real borscht as it will have no meat in it. How many times can I type borscht in this paragraph? Borscht. 

vegetarian duck.

Welcome to Day 4 of Real Fasting. I did indeed cross a border at 14:00 on Day 2, I haven't been exhausted or starving since then. Tired and listless, yes. But not totally, cartoonily deflated. And I do get hungry, very hungry, but usually only when it's just about time to eat. 

Something that has helped immensely has been the aforementioned addition of fresh herbs to my juices. This morning I made another "carrot soup" that I think I really enjoyed (it's hard to say if it was truly good or if I'm just desperate for something that tastes like something): carrot, ginger, cilantro, and togarashi, the Japanese spice blend of chili pepper, black sesame seeds, seaweed, and a couple other harmless things (no MSG). It's almost like eating! 

I've also forgone the optional vegetable boullion that was included in my fasting kit in favor of Bambu "coffee". It's a coffee substitute made from chicory, malted barley, wheat, figs, and acorns. Tastewise you'd never mistake it for coffee, but I think it's really good on its own terms, it's got that roasted and slightly bitter flavor profile that seems right first thing in the morning. I assumed it was OK to sub in because the optional vegetable boullion had wheat in it as well, and anyway....it's only a tablespoon a day. 

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So I told myself yesterday that today might be my last day of real fasting. For a lot of reasons. Although I feel much much better than Day 1, I've still got a constant headache and I'm not sleeping very well, and as a result I'm not getting very much accomplished during the days. On the plus side, I started weighing myself yesterday, and my weight today was down at least one kilo almost two from yesterday. Who knows how much I've lost since I started. Perhaps hundreds of pounds.

But I think I've decided to keep going. I apologize for the TMI, but my pee just turned dark today, which supposedly means that the toxins are coming out. So it seems like my body's just getting started with the important work. Plus, there's that kilo per day to think about. 

For late lunch, we have a "borscht" of beet juice, dill, coriander, caraway, and lemon juice. 

As soon as I'm really cooking again? I'm going to try and reverse engineer some of these Jeremy Fox ideas from his restaurant ubuntu, rare examples of compelling vegetarian food pr0n. Here is the eGullet thread, and here's the cauliflower recipe.

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UPDATE: Flip-flop. I hate being all Flaky Spice, but I've decided to stop in the morning...my energy level is just too low to accomplish what needs to be done at the moment. A lot of it is creative work that doesn't respond well to coercion or stubbornness: you can't just bark "toughen up" or some other similarly motivating machismo-taunt...your creative engine just looks at you like a scolded cat. No comprehension, nothing happens. 

So, this was my first ever fast, 4 full days, not bad. I learned a lot, really. I think I'm going to try and eat vegetarian, maybe even vegan for the rest of the month, I've gotten used to the idea of vegetables only. 

Here are some more Jeremy Fox recipes for my perusal:

• Summer Radishes with Chèvre, Nori and Smoked Salt
  
• Cauliflower in Cast-Iron Pot
  
• Pluot Carpaccio
  
• Salt-Crusted Beets with Avocado, Lavender, and Thyme
  
• Grilled Peach Panzanella

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new developments.

Couple of new tidbits.

1) Your sense of smell goes into overdrive when fasting, or at least mine has. With the exception of the candy makers at Papabubble and the fish frying at Volendammer Vishandel 't Centrum, I have never smelled food cooking during any of my 4,382 bikes or walks down the Haarlemmerstraat, until today.

I almost swerved off the road when I drove through a thick cloud of airborne beef and onion molecules, followed immediately by a warm mist of croissants or some other buttery baked good. And those were just the first two...shoarma came after that, and I think I even smelled a piece of bread someone was eating as I rode by.

Luckily I wasn't in the grip of debilitating hunger at the time. I did stop by Jay's Juices seconds later however, for a Fast Booster (carrot, beet, celery, and ginger), but I'd planned on doing that.

2) My sweat smells incredible, as in I don't believe it. I kept catching a whiff of something fairly unsavory on my beautiful 30 minute bike ride back from KNSM-eiland today (pictured above, it was 60F), but I didn't for a moment consider that it could be coming from me, because I really don't sweat that much and when I do it smells like raindrops and morning dew. But this is awesomely bad: it smells like the cats' litter box if we let it go a couple days too long. Ah, but maybe it's just my heightened sense of smell.

3) Something that smells gorgeous right now is my fingers. Continuing my Fresh Herb Strategy, I bought some cilantro and dill today and warmed up some carrot juice and tore them herbs up and sprinkled the results over the "soup". This was leagues better than the "tomato soup" from yesterday, maybe even twice as good...I give this a 5 out of 10.

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deep thoughts.

Just a little update here...hopefully I crossed some sort of hunger/energy border today: slept like shit, was in a terrible mood this morning, thought there was no way I was going to do this for another five days, and then...

I had some random blend of herbal teas after "lunch", and suddenly felt almost human. Went for a walk, studiously avoiding looking at anything tempting on the Haarlemmerstraat, and came home still feeling OK. And in fact, I wasn't even starving at "dinner" time. 

This is very good news! If the massive energy vaccuum and constant growling stomach are gone, that means all I have to deal with is the relentless boringness of knowing what my next 15 meals are going to be. That and constantly being surrounded by people eating and drinking whenever I leave the house. But that part is at least somewhat interesting, the unusualness of constant deprivation and the appreciation it generates for the simplest things, like a cup of coffee and a croissant. With jelly maybe even.

OK, that's where we get into trouble. It's still far too soon to be considering fast-breaking possibilities. It's too soon, but that hasn't stopped me: Mark Bittman's ricotta pancakes would sound like just the thing if I didn't have to spend my first fast-breaking day eating pureed vegetables. 

One last bitch: I've mentioned before here that there's pretty much only one or two foods that I really don't enjoy at all, and will avoid consuming them if I can. So of course 9 of my next 15 meals consist of one of them: tomato juice. On the plus side, you're allowed to warm up the juices and throw some fresh herbs on top. A sprinkle of cayenne pepper probably wouldn't derail the fast either. So that's what I just had, tomato-basil "soup" with a shot of red chile. Not bad, I give it a 2 out of 10. 

(The photo above is the next day's carrot, dill, and cilantro "soup", which was at least twice as good). 

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fasting hacks.

Forget procrastination hacks. I need a fasting hack. The hardest thing so far is this feeling that I'm very used to having that goes like this: I'm working on something and thinking, "Hey, I'm hungry I think. How about after this little piece of work we go have a bite of food." 

The difficult part about right now is that I'm still having that "about to eat" feeling, but...no food. Also, when I got out of the shower, I thought, "Ah, a perfect time for lunch...I'm quite hungry. Oh, right." Sauerkraut juice. Maybe I'll have my daily teaspoon of boullion now as well...it's 1:24pm and I feel a bit weak. 

Be strong, VDuck! This is a test of your will!!!

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LATER THAT DAY: Our hero is still very hungry. Andy came by after his first post-fast dinner (pumpkin soup) and I told him that I had a mostly shitty day of being too hungry to do anything productive. He said, "Oh yeah, that goes away in a couple days." Frown. 

The best thing about all this is that it's been made abundantly clear to me that food is a significant component of "relaxing" for me (perhaps too significant?). Planning a meal, or the cooking itself, or yes, even eating...these are kind of my default relaxation activities. And it's an oddly constrained feeling not to be able to do any of those things. It's not an entirely bad feeling, though, I feel like I'm learning something. 

In fact the only real bad feeling I have right now is guilt over a wasted day...at about 2pm I went to work out (just some cardio, that's supposed to be a good idea while you're fasting) but I got shakily hungry on my way there and had to just come home and lie around for awhile. Like 8 hours. Boo.  I was too distracted to do anything creative, so it was just Spinoza lectures from YouTube and a Demi Moore/Michael Caine movie that was honestly just fine for what it was (Flawless. I mean that's the name of the movie.) 

Hopefully tomorrow is easier. 

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fast buck.

The compound eye of this cute little guy is my segue into the unlikelihood of discovering a new food during a fast. 

Wha? Ja, I guess the fast part of the fast hasn't really started yet: I'm still eating. Today I bought some honey at the Natuurwinkel because we haven't had any honey here in weeks/months, and it sounded good at the time, like to put into my tea or whatever.

Anyway, because I'm a big, big geek, I generally buy monofloral honey. The Natuurwinkel has a huge selection of these, and today I sort of randomly plucked a jar of buckwheat honey. And I get the thing home, and yeah, it barely even tastes like honey...it's malty, caramelized kind of like molasses...good, but strange. It actually reminds me of, um...sex, for reasons I haven't quite put my finger on yet. 

Regardless, I mixed some with a bit of eye-poppingly serious Zaanse mustard and put it on a tomato. And then on an apple (minus the mustard). I have a feeling these are not the best uses for it. Suggestions? 

Apparently it's also quite healthy. According to honey salesmen at least.  

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quickie.

The answer to yesterday's closing question is: Colon Blow.

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Actual Breakfast: same thing as yesterday.

Planned Lunch: Probably oatmeal with two cinnamony apples stewed with hazelnuts, raisins, and walnuts. And an Activa prune yogurt. And some fish food. 

Snack: 75g of brown rice crackers and 1 pint of carrot juice. 

Planned Dinner: A potato sounds good. Maybe even like a ratatouille if I feel wacky. An oil-less, fun-less ratatouille. Maybe even more than one potato. Two potatoes. What might one put on two potatoes if one is not eating any fat? Waaaaaah. Maybe I've got some Turkish condiment tucked away somewhere that can help. 

UPDATE: Potatoes, good. A little olive oil...good. What I should not have done was add 8 cloves of garlic to my roasted potato wedges. This is only a problem because they take an hour to cook and the smell is killing me. Nuts and yogurt will not satisfy when there are garlic potato wedges in the oven. This is my last meal before...you know.   

VERDER: This ended up being really good. The other fasting person in the building came down to complain about the smell as well...it was almost intoxicating. When they came out of the oven, all crispy and crunchy, I sprinkled them with vinegar and dusted them with smoked paprika, and....hey! That oughta be called something! It's really good. 

And well it is something, basically patatas bravas without the aioli. 

OK, goodbye food! See you in a week!  No, I think I get to eat something tomorrow but not a whole hell of a lot. Like half a leek. Mmmm.

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I should have made something with a Butternut Reduction (right, so this isn't that funny, but I think it's well-done and I do like the animation when Snoop Dogg starts in on the day's specials):

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Image at top: from Petter Thoen, used without permission.

fast food.

You knew that one was coming, didn't you. 

Day 1 of 10 is OK so far. My main goals for today are to have my last cup(s) of coffee, eliminate animal products and refined foods from my diet (no biggie there) and to begin my general "vermindering" of food intake, which means "reduction" to you and me. 

I am allowed supposed to eat six times today, and for this next segment I'd like to present what's happening via a dynamic and challenging sort of DePalma-esque split-screen writing style (minus any you know actual "split-screen" due to a catastrophic vermindering of my technical wherewithal) that includes both what I thought I might eat and what I actually did eat. Confusing and unnecessary? Perhaps. Does it help me to engage with the fasting process? Hard to say. Let's continue.

Breakfast (ironic, don't you think? [eyebrow raised in jest]): 2 cups of black coffee. 1 apple, two slices whole wheat bread, 2 tbsp "real" peanut butter, 2 tbsp of ground linseed, all in the form of a sandwich (minus the coffee). And 2 fish food tablets. (ACTUALLY EATEN: Yes, what I said.) 

Snack: 6 prunes, 10 walnuts, and 125 grams of Activa prune yogurt. Stand back!!! I had this at 12:30pm, I'm kind of behind schedule. (ACTUALLY EATEN: Ditto.) 

Lunch: Hmm, kind of hard to think of something inspired to eat. I really need to start drinking some liquid. Beer would be counter-productive I imagine. I shall have some mint tea and a piece of toast with honey. Except that I have no honey. I shall have a piece of toast with no honey and no butter, and...well, that's really just a piece of bread isn't it. Blast! I shall have some (unsalted) mixed nuts! (ACTUALLY EATEN: Two fish food tablets. And eventually a handful of nuts and raisins.)

Snack: Oh, I know: I've got some whole-wheat pasta in there, plus a whole bunch of almonds and a basil plant. I shall have pasta with almond pesto minus cheese, which is not really pesto is it but I guess c'est la fucking vie. (ACTUALLY EATEN: a tomato sandwich. Half with salt, balsamic vinegar and fresh basil where my mayonnaise would normally be, and the other half with mustard and basil. Mustard won, but it's no mayo.) 

Dinner: Regarding the "split-screen". You may or may not be able to discern that I haven't actually eaten any of these meals yet, I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck I am going to eat when Mr. Low Blood Sugar shows up. Right now I just finished my Activa yogurt from Meal #2. See? Just like a DePalma movie. (ACTUALLY EATEN: a little too much of a delicious Moroccan-ish bulgur thing with tomatoes, ginger, raisins, almonds and lots of red chile pepper. Also? My tummy hurts. Probably my stimulated in-tes-tine getting ready to blow. Take cover.)

Snack: I imagine this will consist of fish food, crushed linseed, and something decadent like vegetable broth. (ACTUALLY EATEN: Nothing. My timmy hurts. I mean, my tummy hurts. Alien or Colon Blow?)

Liquid Consumed: just over 2 liters, not really enough.  

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life in the fast lane.

AAAAAAAAAAAahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahhaha. Thank you, we're here all week. Seriously, get used to these fast puns, I'm going to try to keep them up for the next 10 days, assuming I still have enough energy to move my limbs once The Deprivation occurs...

OK, so I'm beginning my Top Ten Sucky Things About This Fast list as of about an hour ago. Not that I've got a bad attitude about this whole "no food for seven days" thing: au contraire, I'm actually looking forward to it quite a bit. Nevertheless I did have a moment this morning where I realized that it's not going to be a non-stop dopamine fest. 

So, Sucky Thing #10: The Fish Food. 

Three times a day I have to take these spirulina tablets which are exactly the same spirulina tablets that I had to break in half and stick to the side of the fishtank (um, yes, the inside) when I was feeding our neighbors' aquatic friends last summer. It has a very distinctive smell, equal parts seaweed and damp vegetation, yes I realize those are the same thing it's a joke. Bottom line: spirulina in tablet form smells like the Forgotten Bag of Salad in your refrigerator. But at least it tastes great! 

No, it doesn't. But whatever...I'm pretending that I'm a sickly gray Pac-Man, and every spirulina tablet I waka-waka is skewing my hue in a greener healthier direction.

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Above: homemade lemon meringue pie from Mara's grandmother, thousands of miles away from Mark' Fish Food Emporium. 

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OH YEAH: I played Guitar Hero for the first time on Friday night. The verdict: pretty awesome, maybe the best video game ever b/c it's possible for girls to like it too. The downside would have to be that I have Sweet Child O' Mine, Surrender, and War Pigs on constant rotation in my head. Also, I should file under Upside the very nice piece of salmon that HP dished up, it was just what my doctor would've ordered if she'd known I needed anything. 

OH, WIKIPEDIA, STOP IT: After I followed my own link to Wikipedia, I found this bit of hilarity: 

"Guitar Hero and the way it is used have been a focus of intense study by sociologists across the country. Most notably, a group of Duke University cultural anthropologists undertook a study of video game culture and preferences amongst undergraduates. The study concluded that Caucasian males were more than ten times more likely to enjoy Guitar Hero than EA Sports Madden football. On the other side, African-American males almost exclusively played Madden when given the choice between the two games. The study cited Duke's Psychology center at 723 9th Street as a crucial force of inspiration for the topic. The scholars admit that they have no clear conclusion as to why the results were so lopsided."

Really??????? No clear conclusion. Care to hazard a guess? I mean, could it have anything at all to do with the number of real-life African-American guitarists out there playing classic rock, grunge, and nu-metal? Probably not. I also understand there are currently quite a few African-American football players in the NFL....but that's probably unrelated as well. Scholars! Bite my hirsute ass. 

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i smell hands.

This blog sure did change a lot over the summer. I mean, that's the impression that I get until I remember that it was supposed to change a lot over the summer. So, yes. It did. Congratulations, me: I now have a boring, rarely-updated blog just like 97% of the rest of the blogosphere. 

That's OK, it's not a competition! Is it??? And I'm now focused on "better", more important things, aren't I (these are rhetorical, I apologize)???

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I'm reminded of how shitty different Le Blog is these days because I have a life-altering event coming up this week which should probably spur a revisitation of deeper blogging concepts (whatever). 

Tomorrow I'm beginning my first ever juice fast. Seven days of nothing but juice and water. Actually tomorrow is the first of three preparation days wherein I begin cutting out caffeine and dairy products, start eating fruit instead, and start taking spirulina and linseed to "stimulate my intestines" (I don't even want to really imagine what a stimulated intestine will want to do with itself once it gets going), and then Thursday is my first real foodless day. 

For you healthcare professionals out there who are hoping that I've got safe guidelines to follow: I bought a kit today that our boy Andy recommended to me (he's just finishing the fast now) from a company called Demeter. The kit is a big box with everything you need: the juices, the supplements, and a helpful little booklet (which you can download here, if reading Dutch or French is something you do).

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The hands above are Mara's grandmother's. The hands I can smell are mine. Since today is my last day of real eating, I needed to roast this chicken I had. I'm going off the rails again and improvising: I've rubbed this one with an extremely limily fragrant Indian green mango pickle. We'll see. 

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