ill communication.

So there I was, repeatedly vacuuming my own head in an attempt to demonstrate to Mačka that there was really no good reason to be afraid of the vacuum cleaner, I think I was even saying "See? It's fine, look...Daddy's not getting hurt," or some such nonsense, when I realized (prepare for improper semicolon use): A) I was doing this in total seriousness, without a hint of self-awareness or irony, my singular goal was inter-species communication; B) I am not really my cat's "Daddy", at least non-sexually; and, C) no one else was probably engaging in this embarrassing ridiculousness right now, anywhere.

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Why was I vacuuming in the first place you might ask. It was another Bao Night at Casa Moop, in belated honor of ze Noops turning 40. Everything was pretty much the same as previous Bao Nights except that we had to reboot the fkn oven midway through (it keeps overheating and tripping some kind of "helpful" shutdown mechanism, after which, wearing hot mitts, you have to: lift/pull the still-hot oven away from the wall, unscrew the back, flip a hidden switch, reassemble, and resume cooking), and Merle ze Poodle would NOT stop humping my goddamn leg at all, nearly overheating his own damn self (pic forthcoming)...the poor bastard nearly had a damn heart attack cos my leg is so unstoppably SEXXX.

Oh yeh also I made ginger-pickled beets (grated ginger, rice vinegar, sugar, salt) and did a different coconut shrimp recipe than in the past cause I was making them instead of the Mara.

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lemongrass-coconut prawns.


24 tiger prawns, raw, peeled

2 tbsp fresh ginger, peeled, minced very fine

2 tbsp coconut oil

2 kaffir lime leaves, shredded

2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp powdered lemongrass
1/2 tsp powdered galangal

1 tbsp sesame oil
1/2 cup toasted coconut
50g coconut milk
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp fish sauce, or more, to taste

A bunch of fresh coriander, chopped

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you said hot goo.

Above/below: Tuesday night's gig downstairs, me as Dracula, photos by Jeff Kaiser.

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Another bao day here at the ranch, this time the winningest combos were the BBQ tofu (an extra day of sitting around in the sauce worked wonders) and the salmon teriyaki with pineapple salsa.

It nice to be cooking out of Momofuku more and more; we tried a half-assed version of the fried apple pie (minus the pie crust and hot goo, which is melted apple jelly) with miso butterscotch and sour cream ice cream, it was almost really good, but maybe it does need the crust to integrate all of the slightly-tweaked flavors. But the miso butterscotch itself was delicious, though it's hard to imagine what its perfect use would be.

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miso butterscotch.

1/2 cup miso
1 tbsp mirin
1/4 cup raw sugar
1 tsp apple vinegar
4 tbsp softened butter

Roast miso in one thin layer on a piece of parchment paper for 20 minutes in a 150C oven. Combine everything in a food processor. Puzzle over possible uses while eating fingerfuls from the processor bowl.

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bao project @ scimmieland.

Baooooooooo!!! Bao bao! B'bao!

It's always a great thing when the Mara meets a new exotic foodstuff that she feels passionate about, because that means our kitchen will be producing a pretty fucking authentic version of said foodstuff before you can say lickety-split (?...ignore me).


















Which brings us to tonight's story: a few weeks ago (as documented here and here) the flaming mooperbird encountered her first ever Taiwanese bao, served up by the Bao Project ladies at a couple of different locations in our hood. And so tonight? We have our own bao.























And Jesus, fuck! This is no piddly trial run: as lovely as the Bao Project ladies' wares were, Jimmy hit the jackpot tonight. In the interest of politeness, I will say that ours are at least as good.

I shall try to adequately notate our wonderland of eating adventure, primarily so that we can make all this shitz for you next time you come over. These were all four stellar, in all probability barely-improvable, at least by me.

Here's what we hadz, in descending order of greatness (qua my taste buds), but they were within decimal points of each other on the goodness scale:

1) "Char siu" tofu with Momofuku salt/sugar cucumber pickles, toasted sesame seeds, roasted peanuts, cilantro. A few drops of Szechuan chili oil would also not suck I imagine.

2) Lemongrass-coconut milk chicken, toasted coconut, Momofuku pickled carrots, peanuts, sriracha, cilantro. A close second place.

3) Teriyaki salmon, salt+sugar cukes, wasabi/mayo, sesame seeds, furikake, peanuts, scallions. I liked this more than Mara did, it possibly needed a little more moisture. Possibly Momofuku's pickled mustard seeds would fix that right up.

4) BBQ tofu, pickled carrots, salt+sugar cukes.This is in 4th place for me but was still totally lekker and was Mara's fave I think.























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momofuku's steamed buns, adapted. 

makes 30 buns

1 tbsp plus 1 tsp active dry yeast
1 and 1/2 cups water, at room temperature
4 and 1/4 cups plain ol' flour (not self-rising)
6 tbsp white sugar
3 tbsp coffee cream (was supposed to be milk powder but toko was closed)
1 tbsp salt

rounded 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup soft butter, at room temperature (should've been lard but we don't use lard)



















Combine everything, knead it a bit. Put it in an oiled bowl to rise in a warmish place for 90 minutes or until doubled in size. Punch it down and turn out onto a surface. Slice into strips, roll strips into logs, cut logs into ping-pong-ball-size shapes (this is for a smallish bao). Let them rest and rise for 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, for the number of balls you have, cut out small pieces of parchment paper for them to steam on. When they've risen then you flatten them and roll them with a rolling pin into oval shapes. The next thing is fold them, we did do the Momofuku buttered chopstick thing, but MT is skeptical as to whether or not this is critical. In any case, after they're folded, let them rest for 30-40 minutes. DO NOT PUT THEM IN OR ON A WARM OVEN, cuz the little bao mouths fuse together.

Put them on the parchment, steam for 10 minujos.

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char siu tofu.

200 grams tofu
3 tbsp mirin + 1 tbsp red wine (we were lacking proper ingredients, but this was delicious)
1 tbsp honey
2 tbsp hoisin sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
2 tsp grated ginger
1 garlic clove, optional
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 drop red food coloring, yes, probably made from crushed bugskulls, i know, gross.

This was perfect under our circumstances, but this could be more finely tuned probably. Was still great. Cut tofu, fry in neutral oil and a little butter, coat with sauce and brown to correct brownness. Not much of a recipe I guess.

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won't you be.