vegan ginger blondies.

Made these today because the recipe showed up in my sidebar and my mind flashed to the literally 9 not-quite-finished jars of nut butter in the cupboard. Plus there was a thing of chickpeas in the pantry. I wish I could taste these without knowing what was in them, I really don't think I'd ever guess what the main ingredient was. Plus, no dairy, no oil, weird, just a disorienting bit of kitchen alchemy. I personally think you could put a nut on top though. Anyway. Original here.


ginger blondies.

1 15-ounce can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
½ cup nut butter (e.g., almond, peanut or cashew)
⅓ cup molasses (I used Dutch pannenkoekstroop, funny that I now type 15-letter words without thinking twice about it, which is very molasses-like, but I think date syrup would potentially be great too)
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground allspice
⅛ teaspoon ground cloves
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon fine sea salt

Process til totally smooth. Pour into a cake pan or some other vessel lined with baking paper. Bake for 35 minutes at 170C.



enchilada sauce.

I mention it because I've never made my own before, and tonight I did, and as the recipe creator suggested, it was better to have control over it than to just open a jar. From Cookie & Kate.


homemade red enchilada sauce. 

3 tbsp olive oil
3 tbsp flour
1 tbsp ground chili powder (this is kind of key for how things are going to taste, so try to make it a good one)
1 tsp ground cumin
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp dried oregano
¼ tsp salt, to taste
pinch of cinnamon

2 tbsp tomato paste
2 cups vegetable broth
1 tsp apple cider vinegar or distilled white vinegar
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Make a roux, let it get peanut colored, add the spices, whisk constantly. Add the tomato paste, stir to eliminate lumps. Add broth, whisk. Add vinegar and pepper, salt to taste.



daddy's serotonin capsules.

Korean Fried Chicken @ Konbu in Groningen. Totally worth 5 euro.



benzodiazepine withdrawal diet.

"Stopping a benzo 'cold turkey' without medical assistance is not recommended." -American Addiction Centers

No shit. Putting this out there for other desperate people. I can recommend the following. It could be strictly coincidence, timing, "throwing everything at the problem", etc. But I was in a situation where my symptoms were all just unpleasant...this very good resource takes the trouble to list them:

symptoms may include anxiety, panic, insomnia, muscle spasms or tension, nausea and/or vomiting, diarrhea, blurred vision, seizures, hallucinations, short-term memory impairment, trouble concentrating, clouded thinking, mood swings, agitation, drug cravings, twitching and weight loss due to a decreased appetite. 

I had all of them! Except seizures, and no real hallucinations but everything just looked like it was moving a little when it wasn't.

Anyway things were not improving, and then I started eating like this and let's say a week later I'm much better. Like I said, maybe no correlation, but I can tell you that the eating of the foods themselves did successfully provide moments of relief, I guess that normally would've been "pleasure", it just seemed like "less bad".

So for five days I only ate the following foods, for either their tyrosine content or dopaminic (probably not a word) properties:

Eggs, salt, lean beef, miso, chilies, peanuts, cucumber, salmon, herring, dark chocolate, almonds, kiwi, blueberries, ginger, pickles, yogurt.

And I would try to have a green or beet juice here and there for vegetable content. After my stomach started functioning again I added cheese, for this reason. I was just trying to feel better. And it mostly worked. I tried a lot of things. I tried very expensive CBD oil with varying degrees of success, but it turns out that just smoking weed is way way cheaper and worked better, except for the terrible heart racing episodes.

Oh and, really, do not drink alcohol. At first I thought that it was making my symptoms go away, but no it was really just getting ready to lower my elevator 100 floors lower into the center of helllllll. So, while it may seem like a good idea, especially if you have to function in public, for say a solo guitar gig or something...a good idea it is not.

Anyway, I'm not perfect yet, hands still shake when I button my shirt or peel a potato or try to play guitar carefully. But my RLS is mostly gone, and I slept 5 hours last night. You know what may be working? Magnesium. I've tried it before with no detectable results, but I've been taking it every day for a week and I've been sleepy before midnight the last four nights in a row or something. Insert thumbs up.



This is the Surinamese peanut butter you want. Spicy but not too hot. No weird over-coriandered aftertaste. I'm putting it on celery sticks but you might want to make peanut butter cookies out of it, no joke.



search for pleasure dome 2.

I can't tell what's going on, but this is another kind of home run.


salmon burger with hoisin mayo, miso butter, roasted sweet potato, cucumber pickles, jalapeno, peanut.


2 tsp hoisin
2 tbsp mayo
1 tbsp miso
2 tbsp butter
1 sweet potato, sliced like potato chip thin
grapeseed oil

cucumber pickles
pickled jalapenos
peanuts, chopped