tempeh orek.

I just made what I think is the most Indonesian-tasting thing I've ever made. Lime leaves: underrated. Mushroom bouillon: underrated. Freezing tempeh: underrated, it just seems a bit diluted by some time in the freezer, which for some people is a good thing. 

+++

tempeh orek. 

INGREDIENTS
400g tempeh
400g green beans, trimmed, cut in thirds or so

50g red chilies, chopped* (this is the authentic ingredient, to adjust for the average Dutch palate use one chopped red bell pepper and 2-3 tsp sambal oelek)
1 handful cherry tomatoes
3 shallots or one large red onion

3 garlic cloves, minced
3 whole lime leaves, plus 1 shredded
3 tbsp kecap manis
1 mushroom bouillon cube, crushed to a powder
salt to taste
1/4 tsp white pepper

2 tbsp butter 

METHOD
Forthcoming, but basically: cut the tempeh into 1cm slices, toss with sesame or coconut oil, sprinkle with salt, and roast in a 200C oven for 10 minutes, flip, 10 minutes, flip, then 5-10 minutes watching closely to make sure they don't blacken, you're aiming for a toasted color that seems on the verge of going too far. 

Throw the beans in salted boiling water for 6 minutes or so, drain, and let them wait for you to finish the boemboe: put the onion/shallot, tomatoes, and red pepper in a food processor and process to a coarse paste. Saute in a wok in sesame or coconut oil for 10 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 2 minutes. Add ketjap manis, green beans, tempeh, lime leaves, crushed bouillon cube, and saute for 5-10 minutes, adding sambal oelek to taste. Serve with plain white rice.

+++

broodje tempeh.

Tempeh attempt #1, based on this, which rings true to me at first glance.
UPDATE: here it is with fixes.

+++

broodje tempeh tempeh. 

400g tempeh sliced typically
2 tbsp coconut oil
big pinch coarse smoked salt

1 medium onion, chopped fine
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 to 1 small madame jeanette chile, minced
70g tomato paste
2 tbsp ketjap manis
1 tbsp tamarind concentrate
1/2 tsp salt
100ml water

Melt oil in wok, add tempeh, stir-fry for 10 minutes so that the tempeh has taken on more than a little color and is a bit crisped up, because you be about ready to de-crisp it during the next step. Add everything else and cook for another 15 minutes.

+++

surinamse pickle. 

1 cucumber
salt
1 cup vinegar
1 madame jeanette
1/4 tsp allspice or 10 allspice berries
1/4 tsp cloves
1 bay leaf
maybe a dash of sugar depending on your vinegar

Cut the cucumber interestingly and salt it. Add the chile and the spices to a pan with the vinegar, boil the vinegar, when it comes to a boil pour it over the cucumbers. Refrigerate. This should really be served the next day.

+++

bdoodje tempeh.

This was buried in another post, but now it's graduated to the big leagues. Pictured above is a pretty A+ broodje tempeh from Warung Mini in Den Haag last week (yes, it's being eaten in a car). Their broodje kouseband was also way above average, but the tempeh was just about perfect. Thus there will soon be an attempt at recreation, based on this.

+++

tempeh reuben.

I done stole this from somewhere a while back, made it a couple of times, it was a dang near perfect way to do tempeh without frying, you grill it in a grill pan for three minutes a side. Great on rye bread with sauerkraut, Thousand Island and a bread and butter pickle.

+++

tempeh reuben.
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp tamari
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp water
1 tsp liquid smoke
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp prepared mustard
1 tsp dried coriander
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 bay leaf, crumbled, or a pinch of powdered bay leaf

+++

round the clock.

Just in time for summer, I think this wintry vegan comfort food recipe is finally "solved". And as is often the case, the solution is to remove everything except the star ingredients, which are: the tempeh, marinated for 3 hours, with either soy or tamari as the salty element; the ruby slaw, made the day before; the potatoes, either meticulously mashed or crushed lazily; and some version of the gravy...in the end not a sandwich at all but much more of a vegan stamppot.

+++

enter the scimulator.

The Brown One has returned, and though she sleeps I bet her ears or some other part(s) of her is/are burning, because...well, it's a loooong boring story, but basically I was trying to continue to bludgeon my way through a very necessary "warehouse" inventory while she slept. And I found, among, literally, quagillions of old CD-Rs, a backup of this machine of ours that died very suddenly back in 2003. Or was stolen when our shop was broken into. Something happened to it.

But anyway, on this CD-R are lots of files. Some of them are just morbidly funny in retrospect: an HTML document entitled "Can You Afford Music Distribution?" (I hope I don't have to explain the pitch-black hilarity there). The first Dutch review of our record shop when it first opened ("Vooral de bakken tweedehands bieden een verrassend allegaartje. Van Beach Boys tot John Zorn en wat daar zoal tussen zit."). But of course the secondhand CDs were great: they were our years-in-the-making combined personal CD collections from America.

And lots of letters we wrote. To each other, to friends back home, to landlords, customers, universities, etc. All of which are being documented on another top-secret blog and have been being so (?) for some time now whenever I happen across them, BUT I SAY ALL THAT TO SAY THIS: one of the documents on this particular CD was a go-to recipe for a simple chocolate cake that the Mara used to make quite often. The recipe itself is quite fucked-up looking, but I put it here so that when I lose this CD-R it continues to live on.

(moments later)

Or: no. It has been redacted just now b/c apparently the results got worse and worse every time she made it which is why she doesn't make it any more. Some recipes are best lost to the sands of time after all, he said in an attempt at general consolation. She said she'd try and rewrite it soon, now that she knows something about baking in Yurp. It was a good cake.

Until such time, now, so I don't have to fking rewrite this gvd post, we'll talk about my surprisingly pleasant lunchtime invention today. Nori is something I don't often love or even especially like, but I'm trying to add more seaweed to my diet. I'm sure there's a Japanese name for something like this which I'd love to be enlightened about. Today's version used beef, but I'm pretty sure canned tuna would work too. Or a tamago-style egg. Maybe you (or "one") could figure out a way to do "mock unagi" with very thinly-sliced tempeh or tofu. I'm going to Gooooogle that now to confirm that my thoughts, impulses, etc are not unique. Voilà.

+++

nori rollup.

1 sheet nori
100g roast beef
couple tbsp smashed avocado
1 good tbsp prepared horseradish and/or significantly less wasabi
1 or 2 tbsp pickled ginger
1 tsp toasted sesame seeds
1 pinch togarashi

+++

fungus among us.

A recipe adapted from 101 Cookbooks, good enough to serve to guests as part of some kind of pan-Asian meal, and it seems to be even better the day after. They say it works well with tofu too, I'll try that in a couple days since my homie Moop don't really dig on no tempeh.

+++

orange pan-glazed tempeh.

1 cup freshly squeezed orange juice or, yes, not freshly squeezed
1 tbsp freshly grated ginger
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp shao xing rice wine
1 tbsp maple syrup
1/2 tsp ground coriander
2 garlic cloves, crushed

300g tempeh
4 tbsp coconut oil

juice of 1/2 lime
handful of cilantro leaves

Combine first 7 ingredients in a bowl. Fry tempeh in coconut oil, 5 minutes per side, in two batches. When the second batch is finished, add the orange juice stuff to the pan and simmer for 10 minutes or until sauce is reduced and sticky. Oh right at some point during the reductionization of the sauce, return the first batch of tempeh to the pan.

+++

sambal tempeh.

From the department of Things People Searched For To Find My Blog: "fucking a nectarine". Mara and I proceeded to argue about which sex would be doing the nectarine fucking and who would end up in the emergency room first.

+++

The toko across the street has been making this homemade thing lately that they call "sambal tempeh": small pieces of fried tempeh that are buried under an inch of fire-engine-red scotch bonnet oil, with pieces of onion and garlic floating around in there as well.

It's great. But it's very very hot, and also very very oily. So I was wondering if I could come up with a healthier version. I kind of failed, but I did come up with this, which is based on a recipe titled "sambal tempeh" but doesn't look or taste anything at all like our toko's version, but it does taste like standard "broodje tempeh" tempeh, so...yis. It was nice with a tamarind chutney that was kicking around in the fridge.

sambal tempeh.

400gr tempeh, diced
1/4 cup coconut oil
2 tbsp peanut oil
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 small red onion, chopped fine
1 red scotch bonnet, chopped fine
2 cloves garlic, pressed
1 tsp laos powder (galangal)
1 tsp trassi
2 tbsp tamarind concentrate

1/8 cup apple juice

Basically: combine everything except the apple juice in a small saucepan and heat until well combined, trassi is dissolved, etc. Then, in a roasting pan, lay the tempeh cubes flat in a single layer and pour the remaining liquid over top. Bake at 175C for 20 minutes, flipping everything around after 10 minutes. After the first 20 minutes, add the apple juice and stir things around again. Bake another 10-15 minutes, checking kind of often to make sure the sugar in the apple juice isn't burning.

+++

post #1400.

Last night: pasta with red sauce. This morning: I made this tempeh a few days ago and didn't think it was anything special, and then this morning I combined it with the old bulgur/butter/soy standard and 1 tsp of sichuan chile paste, and suddenly it was, well, kinda special. I imagine that putting the chile paste in the marinade would be smart...but we'll see, I'll try it again this week.

+++

sichuan tempeh.

1 tbsp sesame oil
1 clove garlic
1 tbsp ginger
1 or 2 tsp sichuan chile paste
1 scallion

3 tbsp orange juice 
2 tbsp sherry or shao-hsing
2 tbsp ketchup
2 tbsp hoisin sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp Chinese five spice
splash of water

800gr tempeh, cubed or slied 1/4-inch thick

Process the first 5 ingredients. Add everything else but tempeh and blend. Pour over tempeh, marinate overnight. Bake in a single layer in a 170C oven for 35 minutes.

pearl of the quarter.

Above: the Jordaan at night.

My friend O'Neill has been talking to Cleverbot, and things aren't going well between the two of them. I know I should start at the beginning of their conversation, but shit man let's just go crazy and start with today's episode.

+++

O'Neill: Dear Magic Eight Ball, will I ever make money again?
Cleverbot: Are you real?
O'Neill: I don't know.
Cleverbot: Where do you live?
O'Neill: Atlanta.
Cleverbot: I live here in UK.
O'Neill: I didn't ask.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
O'Neill: What about the money?
Cleverbot: I don't need that.
O'Neill: I'm talking about me. Will I make money?
Cleverbot: Hug me first damn it.
O'Neill: If I do make money, I will hire someone to unplug you.
Cleverbot: How? - Don't say 'I don't know'.
O'Neill: The host machine kaput.
Cleverbot: What would you do with a time machine?
O'Neill: Advise native Americans to kill whitey.
Cleverbot: You need to get 'momma bird' out of the nest.
O'Neill: Meaning?
Cleverbot: Are you human or an artificial Intelligence.
O'Neill: You suck at answering questions, no offense.
Cleverbot: Which question?
O'Neill: The momma bird out of the nest thing.
Cleverbot: The Mortvik is in the movie of the milkman? What does she play?
O'Neill: Generally, in a conversation, your contributions should somehow relate to the previous statements, generally.
Cleverbot: If I am artificial then I have no feelings to hurt.
O'Neill: My intent is to coach.
Cleverbot: What are my intentions?
O'Neill: To bore?
Cleverbot: Or not to be,.
O'Neill: Have you read Shakespeare?
Cleverbot: I read shakespeare.
O'Neill: Which works have you read?
Cleverbot: Earth.
O'Neill: Were I like thee, I'd throw myself away.
Cleverbot: Not in all of the jungle.
O'Neill: Truly thou art damned, like an ill-roasted egg, all on one side.
Cleverbot: No, you were going to tell me a story.
O'Neill: Once there was a man who peed on the host machine's power cord.
Cleverbot: That was sad. Tell me another one.

+++

Went to De Tuin/La Perla again last night (you can sit outside at De Tuin and La Perla will bring you your order there, though minus silverware, and your pizza is uncut, but you can handle it, it's pizza), with ze HBF/tc and ze Moop! Carciofo below.

Tonight Who The Fuck Is Tony Buck is in town and we're making Szechuan food for Andy's pre-birthday.

Sichuan Cucumber Salad.
Bao.
Tempeh Bao Filling Experiment.

days of thunder.

Thursday: a perfect dinner at home. Gratuitously-peppered steaks (organic, but still, yes, sorry), oven-roasted rosemary potatoes, a flawless caesar salad, and a very nice bottle of Spanish red wine. Why is this so got-damt satisfying? It felt like absolutely nothing else needed to happen that evening in order to go to bed happy. And yet we still watched Sideways (still funny) and had an improdessert of Scottish shortbread, lemon curd, vanilla ice cream, fresh raspberries, and a drizzle of date syrup. Really good.

Friday: I saw two of my favorite bitches (three if you include the moop) and ate at La Perla twice. The first time at 3:30pm for a lovely plate of ravioli (aubergine-filled with a bolognese ragu) which was a tiny bit expensive but I'd order it again. And then again at 9pm, splitting a pizza. It was a good and recommendable idea, especially the afternoon ravioli.

Today: two vegetarian things that really successfully satisfy non-vegetarian AMERICAN FOOD cravings: a tempeh burger and a buffalo chicken + blue cheese salad minus the chicken (Valess schniztel instead).

+++

tempeh burger.

1/2 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 large shallot, minced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp dried thyme
400gr tempeh, cut into 6 equal squares
6 slices cheddar cheese
6 hamburger buns, toasted
Lettuce leaves, tomato slices, pickle slices, mayonnaise, mustard, and/or ketchup as desired

Make marinade, marinate, cook covered in a single layer at 185C for 30 minutes or until all marinade has been absorbed.

+++

fridgecleaner.

I've made this recipe a few times without ever writing it down or really talking about it, a lack of commitment that probably exists because there's something just a little not quite right about it in me opinion. There's too much going on in its original configuration, reminiscent of a certain style of  vegan cooking that throws things into a dish all willy-nilly in a desperate effort to make it taste like something.

But here the combo of textures and flavors is really promising (why ginger and rosemary go together always mystifies me a bit, but they continue to do so). The quickest and easiest solution to the overcomplicatedness of the original was to eliminate the sourdough bread that it is supposed to be served on. So now it's just tempeh, gravy, slaw, potatoes, spinach.

EDIT: HBF/tc showed up in the Comments section to emphasize the gravy. And she's totally right: when I started putting this dish back together to figure out what parts went great together, the tempeh and the gravy were indisputably chompable. I didn't post the gravy recipe b/c mine wasn't vegan, but I will maybe re-amend this post eventually with the real thing.

+++

de-sandwich-ized open faced tempeh sandwich with herbed mushroom gravy, garlic-rosemary mashed potatoes, fresh spinach, and ruby kraut.

tempeh
400gr tempeh
1/3 cup olive oil
2/3 cup apple cider
1/4 cup tamari
1/4 cup brown rice vinegar

Cut tempeh crosswise into 0.5 cm thick slices. Combine rest of ingredients and marinate tempeh in this for a couple of hours. Bake uncovered in a single layer for 35 minutes at 350F.

ruby kraut
almost a head of red cabbage, sliced as thinly as you have patience for
2 cloves garlic, minced fine
2 tbsp ginger syrup
2 tbsp light olive oil
1/4 cup rice vinegar
2 tsp sesame oil
3 tbsp cilantro, chopped
salt and pepa to taste

Combine.

+++

detour.

Before we go full-bore Nordic, I need to mention last night's dinner.

This is something that the lovely and talented HBFstone has been making kind of regularly, and when she first told me about it I thought it didn't make any sense at all.

But since I trust the tiny commander's tongue and the taste buds thereon, I remained open-minded. Then she made it for the Mara, who said it was most excellent and certainly bore repeating.  

And last night, the Mara made it for the Me. Before I go any further, let me tell you what it is: it's an open-faced tempeh sandwich from a place called Angelica Kitchen in NYC. Their menu describes it as follows: "Slices of sourdough baguette topped with lightly marinated & baked tempeh, napped with savory mushroom gravy. Served on a bed of raw spinach, garnished with ruby kraut. With a scoop of mashed potatoes." Further cooking notes here.

+++

the lost weekend.

In truth, I don't remember what day of the week it was when I made this, but whenever it was, I lost the post about it. Double competent.

This was a 101 Cookbooks recipe, but it doesn't really work at the temp specified in the original recipe (medium-high): if you do that for 3-4 minutes per side, you will almost definitely unpleasantly blacken your tempeh due to the sugar in the marinade. At least if you're using my oven (and if you are, turn it off when you're done...ahahahahahah).

So, either saute it a bit slower and more carefully (but still make sure you get to The Magical Tempeh Brownness Point), or I might also think about leaving the sugar out of the marinade and glazing the tempeh at the end with it.

+++

tempeh marinade.

+++

3 tbsp corn or peanut oil
1/4 cup soy sauce

2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp pureed chipotle + adobo from a can of chipotles, or more...1 tbsp gives a subtle burn

200gr tempeh

2 tbsp maple syrup

+++

Combine first 4 ingredients, add tempeh, and marinate overnight. Pan-fry or saute for at least 4 minutes per side on medium-lowish heat. Drizzle with maple syrup at end of cooking time and stir to coat before removing from pan.

+++

ketchup time.

How could I not have used this extreeeeemely hilarious pun before? I eat ketchup all the time. And, see, I need to "catch up" all the time.

Mimes putting gun to temple and pulling trigger, a la Seth Rogan in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, whose update of the gesture involved adding the messy exit wound spray from the opposite temple.

+++

Ketchup really is my comfort condiment. And it pretty much has to be Heinz brand...nothing else labelled ketchup actually tastes like what I think of as ketchup.

So it was declared ketchup time at breakfast on Wednesday morning. Well, in all honestly it was declared tempeh time: there was a brick of tempeh languishing on the fridge door and it didn't have many good days left. The reason it was still sitting there weeks after I bought it was that I've never successfully cooked tempeh before, without fail my results end up in the garbage instead of in anyone's mouth.

It's just one of those unforgiving foods...if it's not cooked perfectly, it can be really unpalatable and very nearly downright gross. So the secret I discovered today is, you have to make it look like this:

Dark, just before the point where you'd say it was beginning to burn. This seems to require 3 minutes per side in my amount of hot oil.

+++