timing is everything.

Had I been able to recognize that the surest way to pretty randomly attract violent spiritual resuscitation would be to christen 2014 The Year I Got Old just so the Fucking Universe could rear up and attempt to Prove Me Wrong, well...I would've done it Way Fucking Sooner. Either way: thanks, Fucking Universe, you win, pleeeeeeease just keep on doing what you're doing.

All of which puts VDuck in a bit of a Transitional Phase, content-wise...issues of jurisdiction. I go to America in ten days for a month, I'm sure I'll have things we can document and discuss in the traditional VDuck stylee.

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ring-a-ling.

reproduction thoroughly.

Last night's Japanese, which I should make a lot more often: tofu dengaku; Ottolenghi ginger-sesame cukes; salmon teriyaki; brown rice with butter and furikake; a little homemade wasabi mayo just in case. Not pictured: Bibb lettuce with Benihana dressing, really good.

BTW, I really can't say enough about Saveur's instructions for perfect brown rice, it's indeed perfect every time. Basically you cook the rice more like pasta: boil a lot of water (amount hypothetically doesn't matter but I use 1.5 liters for 1 cup of rice), rinse rice under cold water for 30 seconds, add rice to boiling water, boil uncovered for 30 minutes, dump rice into a strainer, drain for 10 seconds, return to pot and cover, steam for 10 minutes. Add butter and salt to taste.

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You know, lots of people are bitching about the weather here, but to myself I'm spinning it as "most productive summer ever". No distracting sunny days to take your mind off your to-do list, no nights tossing restlessly in the sweltering heat, etc. Just 55°F and cloudy.

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man time.

Photo credit: Vs Barbershop.

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Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had the most luxurious experience of my life. A Samoan ex-boxer named Isaac gave me a straight razor shave. It might not sound like much if you've never had one, but, reclining in an old-school barber chair, a seemingly endless succession of steaming-hot towels pressed into your face followed by the rough (rough yet caring...think of what a boxer's trainer does to a boxer between rounds) application of various manly-smelling foams and gels followed by not one but two passes with the deadly deadly razor followed by more piping-hot foam (!) and finished with an ice-cold towel "to close my pores"....man. Best 30 minutes I've had in recent memory.

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wednesday i'm in love.

It's because there's someone new in my life. Here's how it happened.

This past year, 2012, as you may know, Cave Cricket #2 and I applied for our "unlimited time" residence permits here in The Lovely Netherlands. At the time we applied for the permits, there was a substantial application fee, I'm talking about a substantial amount of money, proportionally speaking, like a couple months' rent.

We applied back in March or something. We got the permits (!!!!!!) in August. Fantastic, right? Two weeks ago, Mara was doing our internet banking and was like, "Uh hey there sparky, did you like buy something for (insert approximate amount of one month's rent) a couple weeks ago? Like, twice on the same day?" Of course I did no such thing, and of course Mara would never say "like" that many times if at all, but anyway: immediately panic sets in, what the fuck did we do wrong this time, cause this is the way you think when you're an immigrant.

But then my dear roommate says: "Ah, wait. Ha. Sorry, that's money coming into our account." Which never happens, I don't blame her for assuming the opposite. I say "So someone paid us twice for something?"

The conversation went on in this vein for a while, I'll spare you the details, but come to find out: this money was from the government, specifically the Bureau of Immigration and Naturalization because: in-between the time of our application for residence and their processing of that application, the cost of the application fee was dramatically reduced. And they refunded us the difference between the old amount and the new amount, directly into our bank account.

Maybe I haven't traveled enough but...what other government on earth would do this? I decided to celebrate my not knowing the answer to that question by taking this aforementioned windfall money and purchasing a new love interest, yes that's right I bought a new fucking laptop that actually seems to work and compute at normal speeds. For €500 (here it is, if you're in the market).

It feels like finally getting glasses after years of not being able to see (I guess that's what three years of netbook ownership does to you, makes you appreciate normal laptops again). It does not only one thing at a time successfully, but sometimes two or three. YouTube actually works with video and sound playing at the same time. In general, clicking on something often seems to have the desired effect. ETC ETC ETC. Eeeeeeeeeyyyyyaaay.

Oh, and: Thanks, Government of The Netherlands! You're pretty fly sometimes.

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doctor love.

Hey remember back in January when I said I was going to the doctor for a checkup? I went this morning, six months later. Hey at least I went.

Once there, it became clear to me, as it always does, that I love my doctor. Her name is Renate Zwiers and she's awesome. It's worth selling your house or whatever and moving to my postcode so you can have her as your doctor too. That's all I wanted to say.

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Quite a month of blogging around here, I posted every day, wtf. Here's another tuna recipe, though if I did this again I'd probably use a red apple instead.

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tuna, pickled fennel, roasted almonds, green apple.

1 can tuna
1/2 cup pickled fennel, chopped (pickled fennel recipe to come but basically: fennel, turbinado sugar, apple vinegar, salt, water, marinated at least overnight)
1/2 cup roasted almonds, chopped
1/2 granny smith apple, chopped
1 or 2 tbsp mayonnaise, depending on your goals
1 or 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar, to taste
salt to taste, I guess, but mine didn't need any

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lunch at dick's.

So, if you've followed these Phoenix trips before, this won't be newsworthy or exciting, but we're having lunch at Dick's Hideaway today. I'm having red chile duck rellenos. Did you fucking hear me? I'M HAVING RED CHILE DUCK RELLENOS. FOR LUNCH.

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miracle at 38,000 feet.

I don't think it's a stretch to say that in-flight Wifi is the one single positive thing that has happened to the airline industry in the last 10 years. Surely it seems even more miraculously wonderful than it is because the whole rest of the transcontinental flying experience is just a relentless marathon of ugly humanity and seriously miserable business practices.

Sorry if I sound crabby. We've been in transit for 15 hours so far, just got all of our bags thoroughly taken apart in Detroit b/c the drug-sniffing dog was interested in them and we were coming from Amsterdam, made our connecting flight by like 2 minutes, and now we have 5 more hours to go, though I must say my ass is doing better than usual (on a plane).

Ahhhh, right, that's the downside of in-flight Wifi: I get to complain about flying while it's actually happening. I'll try to stop. Let's talk again after there's been some distance between my ass and this seat.

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