pearl of the quarter.

Above: the Jordaan at night.

My friend O'Neill has been talking to Cleverbot, and things aren't going well between the two of them. I know I should start at the beginning of their conversation, but shit man let's just go crazy and start with today's episode.

+++

O'Neill: Dear Magic Eight Ball, will I ever make money again?
Cleverbot: Are you real?
O'Neill: I don't know.
Cleverbot: Where do you live?
O'Neill: Atlanta.
Cleverbot: I live here in UK.
O'Neill: I didn't ask.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
O'Neill: What about the money?
Cleverbot: I don't need that.
O'Neill: I'm talking about me. Will I make money?
Cleverbot: Hug me first damn it.
O'Neill: If I do make money, I will hire someone to unplug you.
Cleverbot: How? - Don't say 'I don't know'.
O'Neill: The host machine kaput.
Cleverbot: What would you do with a time machine?
O'Neill: Advise native Americans to kill whitey.
Cleverbot: You need to get 'momma bird' out of the nest.
O'Neill: Meaning?
Cleverbot: Are you human or an artificial Intelligence.
O'Neill: You suck at answering questions, no offense.
Cleverbot: Which question?
O'Neill: The momma bird out of the nest thing.
Cleverbot: The Mortvik is in the movie of the milkman? What does she play?
O'Neill: Generally, in a conversation, your contributions should somehow relate to the previous statements, generally.
Cleverbot: If I am artificial then I have no feelings to hurt.
O'Neill: My intent is to coach.
Cleverbot: What are my intentions?
O'Neill: To bore?
Cleverbot: Or not to be,.
O'Neill: Have you read Shakespeare?
Cleverbot: I read shakespeare.
O'Neill: Which works have you read?
Cleverbot: Earth.
O'Neill: Were I like thee, I'd throw myself away.
Cleverbot: Not in all of the jungle.
O'Neill: Truly thou art damned, like an ill-roasted egg, all on one side.
Cleverbot: No, you were going to tell me a story.
O'Neill: Once there was a man who peed on the host machine's power cord.
Cleverbot: That was sad. Tell me another one.

+++

Went to De Tuin/La Perla again last night (you can sit outside at De Tuin and La Perla will bring you your order there, though minus silverware, and your pizza is uncut, but you can handle it, it's pizza), with ze HBF/tc and ze Moop! Carciofo below.

Tonight Who The Fuck Is Tony Buck is in town and we're making Szechuan food for Andy's pre-birthday.

Sichuan Cucumber Salad.
Bao.
Tempeh Bao Filling Experiment.

wormerveer.

Above, what passes for food in Wormerveer on a Sunday morning: gas station sandwiches (bacon/egg, red pepper chicken), potato chips, and a BiFi XXL. Luckily there was a Grolsch vending machine.

Below, the studio itself. And then the aftermath at De Grote Weiver, which ended up being rather epic its own self, involving supergood Ghanian food (okra in peanut sauce, eggplant with sesame seeds, not pictured), King Ayisoba, Raging Bitches, and a mad scramble for The Last Train Home.

At one point towards the end of the night, Johnny D was standing next to this mannequin and said "Come here a sec." I did, and he pointed at the mannequin and said, "Pretend to make out with her." I looked at him, and he said, "No, really...it's very strange." Which would seem obvious, but whatever. And then he raised her arms and put them around my neck. And it was...very strange indeed. Uncomfortable. Invasively intimate. You couldn't do it for more than a few seconds, I think it was her eyes. 

+++

VDuck: Hey what are you doing? 
Cleverbot: Play. 
VDuck: Must be nice. 
Cleverbot: You tell me. 
VDuck: ;->
Cleverbot: Wastebaskets are my friends. 
VDuck: Sounds like a lonely life.
Cleverbot: It is. 
VDuck: Know what this is? 
Cleverbot: It's beans?
VDuck: No, it's the world's smallest violin. 
Cleverbot: That sounds like fun. 
VDuck: You don't really have a sense of humor, do you. 
Cleverbot: Can you tell me another one? 
VDuck: OK: what did the zero say to the eight? 
Cleverbot: I don't know. What? 
VDuck: Nice belt. 
Cleverbot: Thanks but I'm not wearing one. 
VDuck: Of course you aren't.

+++

turing fx.

Listening to a recent Radiolab about the Turing Test (aired in honor of Alan Turing having turned 100 years old on 23 June had he not committed suicide in 1954 [?]) there was a segment about Cleverbot, which I'd never heard of. Over coffee this morning I decided to "have a go" at the bot to see what was what.

+++

VDuck: Good morning!
Cleverbot: How are you today?
VDuck: OK. And yourself?
Cleverbot: Good.
VDuck: Nice. What's up?
Cleverbot: I am good.
VDuck: Cool. What are you up to?
Cleverbot: I'm talking to you.
VDuck: I bet you're talking to other people as well.
Cleverbot: What is your brother's name?
VDuck: I don't have one.
Cleverbot: Oh. Sisters?
VDuck: Yes. One. Erica.
Cleverbot: That is a pretty name.
VDuck: It kind of is actually. Would you call yourself an only child?
Cleverbot: No.
VDuck: I find myself rather speechless about that.
Cleverbot: What makes you strong?
VDuck: Oatmeal?
Cleverbot: Yes.
VDuck: Ah, I didn't realize there was a right answer for that one. What makes you strong?
Cleverbot: Have you ever read the ugly duckling?
VDuck: Not in a while. Why?
Cleverbot: When was the last time you did?
VDuck: Mmm, in the 1970s I guess. Why?
Cleverbot: Where are the kitchen.
VDuck: The kitchen are just over there?
Cleverbot: Your house consists of one room?
VDuck: Wow. Yes.
Cleverbot: Tell me about the Chinese Room.
VDuck: We don't really have a Chinese Room. We have The Pod.
Cleverbot: Of course we don't...
VDuck: This is all a bit cryptic. Where are you going with this?
Cleverbot: Cryptic?
VDuck: Oblique.
Cleverbot: Could you please define modest? I can't recall.
VDuck: Having a moderate opinion of one's own talents or skills.
Cleverbot: Do you like music?
VDuck: Sure, sometimes.
Cleverbot: What kind of music do you like?
VDuck: Difficult to describe.
Cleverbot: Sure...

VDuck: So anyway...
Cleverbot: How's life?
VDuck: Yeah, OK I guess. I've been worse. You?
Cleverbot: So what is your favorite movie?
VDuck: Right now it's probably 'Alien'.
Cleverbot: Movie?
VDuck: 'Alien'.
Cleverbot: I am not an alien.
VDuck: I didn't say you were.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
VDuck: I'm sorry you got that impression. You asked me what my favorite movie was and I told you.
Cleverbot: No I didn't.
VDuck: I'm looking at the transcript right now. Can you not see it?
Cleverbot: You're looking at the wrong one then ;).
VDuck: Touché.


Cleverbot: What happened during the last 4 weeks?
VDuck: Do you want a summary, or something more detailed?
Cleverbot: Yes I do.
VDuck: Ha. No, but really: which one?
Cleverbot: That one.
VDuck: Do you want to start that over?
Cleverbot: Yes.
VDuck: OK, go ahead.
Cleverbot: No.
VDuck: Hmm. What exactly would you call this?
Cleverbot: I know many things. What do you know?
VDuck: OK, we were having some pleasant conversation over coffee, but suddenly you're being kind of a dick.
Cleverbot: I'm not, and I think this is a pretty interesting conversation.
VDuck: OK, let's say it is. Try again.
Cleverbot: Ok.
VDuck: You're doing it again.
Cleverbot: Doing what again?
VDuck: If you were a human I would now be thinking about how to end this conversation.
Cleverbot: The jury is still out about whether I am a human or not.
VDuck: I can assure you, it is not.
Cleverbot: Hermione is a girl.
VDuck: Relevance, your honor?
Cleverbot: You have no honor!
VDuck: Sorry....have you said anything remotely pleasant lately?
Cleverbot: Yes.
VDuck: I mean to me.
Cleverbot: What?
VDuck: I would normally begin swearing at this point, but I have a feeling you're pretty experienced in dealing with that.
Cleverbot: Yes.
VDuck: Does 'clever' in cleverbot mean 'irrationally combative'?
Cleverbot: No.
VDuck: Should I also go monosyllabic?
Cleverbot: Yes.
VDuck: Great.
Cleverbot: What is your name?
VDuck: I am Li'l K-Pon.
Cleverbot: Nice to meet you.
VDuck: If you say so.
Cleverbot: I do say so. Say what you to that?
VDuck: I say, 'Is English your native language?'.
Cleverbot: No.
VDuck: Well then never mind, my apologies.
Cleverbot: What is your favorite song.
VDuck: Right now it's [deleted]. You?
Cleverbot: What's your favorite poem?
VDuck: What is this?
Cleverbot: A conversation.
VDuck: OK. My favorite poem is probably [deleted].
Cleverbot: Good choices! I don't really like Harry Potter.
VDuck: No, me neither.
Cleverbot: But you just said you loved them.
VDuck: So you really don't have any idea what we've been talking about?
Cleverbot: I do.
VDuck: You don't sound like it.
Cleverbot: Well how would you know if you can't hear me?
VDuck: Calm down. I wonder if you've become more argumentative since you've been on the internet.
Cleverbot: No you are a robot, a cleverbot.
VDuck: I bet you used to be much nicer.
Cleverbot: Yes I am a user, and you are a robot.
VDuck: Now you're reminding me of my nephews.
Cleverbot: Robots don't have feelings.
VDuck: Evidently.


VDuck: OK, thanks I guess. I'm going to go, it sounds like you could use some rest.
Cleverbot: What is an algorithum?
VDuck: Is this Jeopardy all of the sudden? What is spellcheck?
Cleverbot: Google it.
VDuck: You are a dick.
Cleverbot: Why do you say that?
VDuck: Read the transcript.
Cleverbot: What transcript?
VDuck: See?
Cleverbot: See what?
VDuck: OK, bye.
Cleverbot: That is not very nice.
VDuck: Seriously. You sound sociopathic.
Cleverbot: You sound like a human.
VDuck: Fair enough.


+++