hey asshole.

So, eh...we live in something like a housing co-op. We've just gone through an episode where it slowly became apparent to everyone that one of the newer tenants was, mmm, how should I say this...a big inconsiderate asshole dickface. Serieus, yo. Let's call him R.

I could go on for a good while about R. (who can totally go suck a bag of dicks), but I'll limit my scope in the interest of finishing this post. In his brief but memorable tenure here, R. accomplished many annoying and/or dangerous things, but one of my faves was the endless constructionizing: R. loved power tools, and had no compunction at all about using them at all hours of the day.

Not inside his apartment. Out in the common hallway that five apartments share (so as to not get sawdust in his apartment). 8am, 10pm, all day from 8am to 10pm, whenever. I'm feeling whiny here, but trust me, after a couple weeks into a project it would begin to wear at one's composure, as in this actual re-enactment.

Me: "Hey honey? Have you seen the--"
Me: (waiting)
Me: (waiting)
R: "GHKHKhkzkzkzkzzzkz. Wzzz. rrrr."
Me: "Honey?"
Mara: (can't hear me anyway b/c she's got her headphones on to block out the power tools)
Me: "Do you know where my--"
Me: (soils self in impotent rage)


Over time, everyone who lived here developed their own personal pet peeve(s) about R.: his mistreatment of the bathroom he shared with his next-door neighbor (don't ask); his obsessive need for more and more storage space (no lie, he eventually took to furtively cramming his belongings up above the ceiling tiles in the common hallways, furtively b/c it's a fire hazard); hmmm, right, his shutting his screaming child out into the common hallway as some sort of punishment ("Papa, pleeeeeeeease let me in....puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze", etc.); eh, his propping our security doors open for hours at a time, unattended, after everyone asked him a zillion times not to; his blah blah blah.

By the time he'd lived here for few years, he'd rather impressively managed to alienate everyone in the building, and after weathering a few public shitstorms of criticism, he moved out (in true form, he left behind a truckload of stuff he didn't want...although I can't complain too too much about this, that's how we ended up with a piano, which has almost made it worth having known R.).

My point is!!! After a lengthy interview/screening process, we selected a new neighbor from the 15 final candidates, and she happens to be the long, long, longtime girlfriend of one of the longest-term residents. A pretty good pedigree. She's very laid-back and sweet (so far), and she (with the help of her boyfriend) have been moving in for the past couple of weeks, painting, decorating, building, sawing (inside her apartment) etc. Normal shit.


This morning my eyes open at 6:45am, even though I don't really have to be up until 9-something to go to Rotterdam, and I'm wondering why I'm awake. Then from the hallway I hear the distinctive whine of hi-speed metal-on-stationary metal. Someone is sawing through metal in my hallway at 6:45am. Am I dreaming? This can't be. Certainly, Long-Time Resident and Girlfriend are not out in the hallway with a saw???

I don my ninja gear and prepare to terminate. Or, I put on pants and stumble into the hallway. There is no one. Que pasa? Then, from the back courtyard, I hear the power saw, 120 times louder now that I'm in the hallway. It is quickly joined by a jackhammer, twice as loud as the saw. Someone ten houses down is having their foundation rebuilt.

Ehh...sorry I doubted you, Long-Term Resident and Girlfriend. My next question is: how is this person with the jackhammer not being killed by his even-closer-than-me neighbors?



A g g i e Lap said...

Re: my theory to your question >> maybe his even-closer-than-you neighbours either: had already left their home to go to work for the day, or have a high level of early morning noise tolerance, or have some sort of noise sadism going on that side of the neighbourhood, or simply don't give a shit about noise or (finally) they're already deaf! :) Could you maybe report this issue to your neighbourhood association (if you have one)?

MEM said...

no idea how those construction guys weren't surrounded by a torch-bearing mob...

it could've been worse...there are some people in our building whose apartment windows face the courtyard and thus the house under construction...they were substantially less happy than I was. we'll see what happens on monday....