watch it.

15mg Mirtazapine Week 3: I can only describe my state of mind as "interesting".

As they say your mileage may probably vary, but irritability seems to be a real live side effect. If you were talking to me much back in March or April you might or could say that I already seemed pretty fucking irritable then, but this is different: way less emotional, and applied in a more general fashion.

I actually don't mind it so much in larger social settings b/c it gives me a little wired-y kind of boost and reminds me a bit of when I was younger and kind of faux-extroverted; back then I derived way too much pleasure from being politely combative slash subtly mocking to/about/with people I didn't like, oh the folly of youth, sorry everyone.

But at home, now, all grown-up, yes general prickliness pretty much sucks b/c it (the drug) doesn't seem to care so much who it's mean to. Supposedly this fades around week 4 or so, let's hope so: it's a challenge to assess how undepressed I am when undirected crankiness is running all rampant and shit.

I'm also noticing that the fucked-up speech thing has receded a bit and has been replaced by a bit of memory weirdness, or at least I'm noticing that I'm regularly not able to recall things I should be able to, mostly names of people, places, things, like that, usually in the middle of a sentence.

But the sleeping, you ask? It's still incredible and awesome that I can take a pill and be asleep 15 minutes later. I'm having a problem with mornings, in that I can't seem to actually wake up. Like if my eyes pop open at 6:45am and I feed the cats, I'll think to myself well those eight hours should've been enough sleep, I'll get up now. And then by 7:45am I'm back in bed until 11am, giving me a total of 11 or 12 hours of sleep, this is not ideal.

I'm going to try really hard to implement "robot mode" this week where when I first wake up I go right to the gym before I can go back to sleep. OK I want to try it at least once to see what happens. Who knows, maybe it'll stick, and I'm not even going to put a sarcastic exclamation point there.


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