monday morning quarterback.

A couple things. One, that day when I took those beautiful pictures? They were too beautiful I guess, b/c they broke the camera. It can no longer focus. "System Error (Focus)" it says. So I'm back to those Olympuses that no one else wanted because they suck profound amounts of ass.

Two. I have often criticized "fake meat products" like, say, Tofurky, for tasting like the worst thing that ever happened to your tongue. How could you do that, I wondered. But lately I've been eating a little too much meat, and last night I happened to have a big block of tempeh in the fridge, and since I almost always eat tempeh the same flawless yet caloriffic way (fried), I thought I'd try something different.

An Asian tempeh "meatball" I thought. Treat it like a mushroomy kind of flavor, just sex it up with some Japanese flavors like miso, soy, sesame oil, ginger, garlic, etc. An egg for binding/moisture, etc. I made the "mince" last night and it smelled/tasted awesome.

I baked them today (for 50 minutes, so the tempeh is definitely "cooked") and...fuck if they don't taste like Tofurky. Just awful in every way. You almost literally can't swallow one without a glass of water, and they have a naaasty aftertaste that I can't trace back to any of the constituent ingredients. The only thing that I could've imagined helping at all would've been adding a considerable amount of butter to the "mince". A little sake maybe. But jesus, just a total fail...no wonder there are no recipes like this on the net.

Oh, three things. Third: I had raw broccoli for dinner last night and it absolutely decimated my digestive system. Like from 2am to 4am in the fetal position wishing for death. Apparently this can happen if you're not used to eating raw broccoli. But why in fuck would anyone want to get used to eating raw broccoli is my question. A mistake I shan't make again in this lifetime.


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