tang.

This doesn't look like much, but the first version went by so fast I'm thinking about making it again tonight. It's from the rich tradition of Spanish escabeches and salpicóns and all other manner of marinated and pickled fish, served cold or at room temperature. Obvs wild salmon is not a requirement here, just any slightly oily fish that really tastes like something on its own. If you are using wild salmon, Kalamatas were key, I wouldn't substitute another olive.

+++

wild salmon in olive escabeche.

2 medium carrots, cut into 1/4-inch-wide, 2-inch lengths
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for frying
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
2 tsp dried thyme
4 to 8 bay leaves (8 if they're good ones)
3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Salt and freshly ground pepper

4 wild salmon filets (about 500g total)
1/2 cup kalamata olives, chopped very fine

This is kind of how you do it, not my instructions yet, they're still the original Food & Wine instructions. You'll be able to tell when they're mine because the words "shimmering" and "dollop" will be gone. Probably also "spooning".

Using a mandoline, cut the carrots into thin strips. In a small skillet, heat 1/4 cup of the olive oil. Add the carrots, shallots, thyme sprigs, bay leaves and garlic and cook over moderate heat until the vegetables are softened, about 6 minutes. Remove from the heat. Stir in the vinegar and season with salt and pepper. Let stand for 10 minutes.

In a large nonstick skillet, heat 1/4 inch of olive oil until shimmering. Season the mackerel fillets with salt and pepper and add them to the skillet skin-side down. Cook over high heat until the skin is browned and crisp, about 4 minutes. Turn and cook the fillets for 1 minute longer, until almost cooked through. Transfer the fillets to a large, shallow glass or ceramic dish, skin side up. Top with the vegetables and their marinade. Let stand at room temperature for 3 hours, occasionally spooning the marinade over.

Discard the thyme sprigs and bay leaves. Arrange the mackerel on plates and spoon the vegetables and their marinade on top. Dollop with the tapenade and serve.

+++

medication corner.

So, hopefully to bring this saga to a temporary close: let's call mirtazapine withdrawals a 2 to 3 4 to 6 week process. One thing to be careful about: if you're paranoid about not sleeping (which is probably why you were taking mirtazapine in the first place), try to resist the temptation to replace the missing mirtazapine with a little extra zolpidem or oxazepam. It became really difficult to tell what was fucking my shit up, the sudden absence of longer-term meds or slightly increased reliance on shorter-term sleep aids.

I stopped everything but melatonin a couple of days ago and now feel pretty OK, except that of course I haven't been sleeping. As always, it's hard to assess what helped fix things b/c I tend to change 12 variables at once whenever I feel like serious ass, b/c if you could potentially shorten your period of serious assiness well then why wouldn't you.

+++

gaasperplas.

Above: my only picture of my visit to Gaasperplas, which was a lovely place to be, but the bike ride there was quite something.

Then last night we had our new version of Jamaican comfort food again: jerk steak, coconut chicken curry based on this, black beans, rice. And homemade cronuts for dessert, don't ask.

Below that, the prototype packaging for Daddy's Balls, a special ghost pepper edition of our BBQ sauce.

de echte echte bakker.

Went down to the corner bakery today, which has previously always been a branch of this shitty prefab industrial bakery chain, not worth the empty carbs at all. A few weeks back this branch changed their name to Bakkerij Westerpark, or maybe it was months ago, I stopped looking at that corner of the street years ago.

I don't know if this is a crafty corporate rebranding thingie, you know, where someone who cranks out huge volumes of uninspired, soul-free characterless pap suddenly figures out they need to tap into the "artisanal" craze so they change everything about their presentation and marketing but still crank out the same shitty food....

....or if this is an actually new bakery. I'm skeptical b/c 1) i'm a skeptic and 2) they're using the same bags as the last place. And 3) this kind of shit is happening constantly. I hate that my first reaction to what could totally be a sweet, honest family business is to suspect the worst, but this is the climate we live in today people ect ect ect. 

IN ANY EVENT, today I went in there b/c  this morning the mooperbird mumbled something about a croissant as she tossed and turned in an attempt to crank out 30 minutes' more sleep, and this place is really the only remotely promising option on our street. 

And lo, what did I find there:

A cronut. My first cronut.

And? Braincrushingly sweet, the kind of sweet that I haven't experienced in many months. And: delicious with a cup of strong coffee. They also have pretty healthy-seeming-yet-tasty spelt croissants if you're not totally burned out on spelt by this point. I'll probably go back.

+++

so long, 'taz.

So, for anyone who finds this site as a result of searching for experiences using mirtazapine or Remeron for insomnia and/or depression (or trying to get off of those meds), I should bring my coverage of this subject to a neat(ish) close: I stopped taking the shit about seven days ago after a little more than one year of daily use. I'd tapered down to a dose of 3.75mg, which my normal doctor and my head doctor were both pretty sure was too low to be having any useful medicinal effect on me.

I'd been planning on stopping, or at least I'd been planning on not taking it for the rest of my life: the sleeping part was (as already covered here) unprecedentedly fantastic, but the nighttime post-dosing irritability and the incredible, unignorable appetite stimulation when I did find myself awake between the hours of 11pm and 11am seemed to be getting worse instead of better, and I just decided I couldn't take it anymore. It was a year of great sleep, thank you.

Now, after seven days of what I'd guess you'd have to call "withdrawal symptoms", I can say that, yes, mentally, I can kind of see myself from here, and not in a bad way at all. So that's good. But I can also say that if you're considering a similar cessation: don't plan anything for at least a week. You will essentially experience a non-contagious "serious intestinal flu" of indeterminate length, and that's all I'm gwine say about it. There's been an arc to it, from mild to extreme to highly variable, which is where we are now. I am now wearing two homemade anti-nausea wristbands and I look like even more of a total cock than usual. I had a Coke today. It was like that.

But it shows no real signs of stopping. I'll continue this post when things noticeably improve.

UPDATE: OK, and then all of the sudden it was kind of over. about 10 days in total. Things still aren't perfect, and I'm now constantly itchy, sneezing, and not really sleeping all that well, but that's an improvement. Apparently mirtazapine's strong anthistamine properties can inhibit your body's natural anthistamine tendencies.

UPDATED UPDATE: Well, not totally over, 14 days later. Some kind of return to seesawing queasiness and general discomfort, plus itching, lots of itching. And not a whole lot of sleep. Was on a diet of primarily fish, ginger tea and cultured yogurt, which I didn't realize was doing me good but maybe it was.

+++

crunchy numbers.

For future reference:

30 picnic guests=
4kg bone-in pork shoulder
5kg chicken wings
9kg beef brisket
2 kilos tomatoes
80 mini buns
4kg potato salad
2 cucumbers and 2 onions' worth of bread and butter pickles
1 head of cabbage worth of slaw
2 pork tenderloins

It was *all* eaten over the course of 4 hours or so.

+++

notational.

The recipe worked perfectly, apparently even defying the laws of physics and biology to allow me to cook 8 pounds of pork butt in 4 hours. And, for posterity, a 4kg shoulder yielded 1 liter of pulled pork, do NOT ask me how that metric shit works, I just look at the packaging and what my containers say they hold; science and math do/does the rest.

Our full contribution to the ghost-pepper-centric menu tomorrow is as follows, because I'm a senile old man and keep losing the scraps of paper where I keep writing it down:

Georgia-style BBQ pulled pork with raw sweet onion on squishy little white buns
red cabbage chipotle-buttermilk slaw
a nicely mustardy potato salad
bread and butter peach-cucumber pickle

chicken wings two ways:
1) brined for slightly too long (4 hours was just on the verge of too salty, I'd do two next time) and tossed in Momofuku's octo vinaigrette (soy, garlic, ginger, rice vinegar, sesame oil, scallions)
2) spice-rubbed and tossed in a lemon ghost brown butter (unsalted butter, whole dried ghost pepper, lemon zest, lemon juice, miniscule amounts of Frank's and Old Bay.

maybe a smoked ghost jerk tenderloin if i feel uppity

probably not:
ghost pepper oil (details undetermined)
ghost pepper-pickled mustard seeds (if I can make it work)

+++

bread and butter.

Above: last night's visit to the Red Light (for a zine launch, which I understand for some people will be more offensive-sounding than if I said "for paid sex with a stranger", I understand this. Still, it was fun).

Below: Pickle of The Week.

+++

bread and butter pickle.

2 onions, halved and cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices
2 large cucumbers, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices
2 or 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp celery salt

1 fresh red chile pepper, halved, seeded, and thinly sliced
1 pinch red pepper flakes
2 cups apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 cups raw sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp mustard seeds
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
1 clove
2 fennel seeds
1/2 pinch ground allspice
1/4 pinch ground cinnamon (just a hint in other words)

experimental option:
2 or 3 peaches, halved and cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices, in which case decrease the amount of sugar above by 1/2 cup.

Toss together first 5 ingredients in a large bowl. Bring vinegar and next 37 ingredients to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat; boil, stirring constantly, 5 minutes or until sugar completely dissolves. Let stand 5 minutes.

Pour vinegar mixture over onion/cuke mixture. Cool completely. Chill overnight or over two nights before serving. Supposedly good for 2 weeks in the fridge.

+++

pigpickin.

Someone please remind me that I put the pork in at 4:30pm, noon would be smarter but as we all know, etc. This is 8.3 lbs of pork, it should be done cooking by next month or so.

I can't emphasize enough how helpful these pages are if you're not a pork butt scholar.

daily commute.

Could be worse.

pink flamingo.

I would link to their website but they've committed the unpardonable sin of autoplay music, against which I have to lodge a small protest. "They" are Pink Flamingo, a French non-traditional pizza chain that's just opened up shop in Amsterdam. I went with KK last night and we ended up with the Almodovar (foreground, kind of a riff on paella, with chorizo, shrimp, chicken, crème fraîche and saffron) and the Poulidor (background; duck, green apple, goat cheese).

We knew that they were going to be unusual, but the first bites were more confusing than anything. Not bad at all, but there was some kind of distracting tension between the crust and the toppings, like they weren't supporting each other's goals. And then five minutes' worth of eating later, everything made more sense and we were happily crunching our way towards clean plates. Don't know what it was, a mismatch of expectations and experience, or whatever, but by the time we were leaving we agreed we'd pretty happily go back for another round sometime, I think I'd go even "weirder" next time.

+++

polenta pil-pil.

Alton Brown's savory polenta plus a pil-pil sauce. Plus shrimp. Plus bacon.

+++

gambas pil pil.
1/4 cup neutral oil
2 tbsp butter
6 to 8 pilli-pilli chiles
1/2 large onion, chopped, this is optional
1 roasted or fresh red pepper, cut into fat julienne (we often sub or add a tomato or two)
salt and pepper

24 shrimp, halved lengthwise
2 tbsp butter

3-6 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup celery leaves or parsley, chopped

Add oil and butter to wok, saute the little pilli pilli chiles for 5 minutes or so to infuse the liquid with a little heat. Then add onion and pepper (and/or tomato if using) and saute until tender or however you like your onions. Bring the sauce to taste via salt and pepper. Remove the sauce from the pan and reserve.

Heat the wok to high, melt the 2 tbsp of butter and then add the shrimpies. Saute for a minute or two, until they're almost done, then add the reserved sauce and the garlic, and heck, a bit more butter if you feel lucky. Leave on heat for another minute or two until everything's warmed through, then serve in something properly Spanishy like an earthenware bowl, with lots of good crusty bread for dipping. You could remove the chiles first if you were serving guests who are chile-sensitive: these are hot. But it'll still have a kick even without them. Garnish with the herbs if you want. Serves 2ish.

+++

koreatown.

Tonight, the multi-component wonderfulness of bibimbap. This one featured that same old great spinach, a tofu teriyaki, a tamago-y egg, a fusion-y risotto, sesame carrots, scallions, peppers, and the following steak.

Which! Is also a recipe for KFC, or Korean Fried Chicken. Basically instead of using the below as a marinade, you puree it and use it as a sauce in which you toss your properly baked or fried chicken wings. Fascinating stuff, I know.

+++

ginger-marinated steak with gochujang.

4 scallions, chopped
1 cup cilantro leaves with tender stems
3 tbsp unseasoned rice vinegar
2 tbsp gochujang (Korean hot pepper paste)
1 tbsp grated peeled ginger
2 tsp soy sauce
1 tbsp roasted sesame oil
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp raw sugar
2 or 4 garlic cloves, minced
400g steak

+++

friet to be, you and me.

It seems like whenever we have an out-of-town guest, one of the first things they ask for is a friet (or frites, depending on who they are). And it seems like it's usually in the middle of the afternoon, which is a weird time to eat at Amsterdam restaurants anyway b/c of lunch/dinner changeover. Add to that the fact frites are not usually orderable separately on restaurant menus (they usually come with main dishes)...and it's always a puzzle as to where the nearest place is that we can have a beer and some frites, ideally while sitting outside on a canal..

For our future reference: the answer is literally just around the corner at Cafe Nassau.

Also, we often wonder what the best way to do Indonesian is, and the answer is obviously still Terang Boelan. The rijsttafel is €21 (get it with white rice not fried rice because everything's quite salty enough already), and if you add two lemper and a side of bami, €27 feeds three people quite handily. And why the fuck am I italicizing every non-English word. Anyway if you get the whole thing cold (iow, not warmed up), you can then go to a bar for a drink or three before you take your grub home. Grub.

+++

road trip.

Eighteen miles away there's a beach that not too many people know about. If a friend of yours goes away to Greece for a week for work, maybe he leaves his car behind in Amsterdam. Maybe he gives you the keys. Maybe your roommate uses this car to pick you up after your own work and then drive you to this eighteen-mile-away beach. Even if you're only there for a couple hours, it's a couple hours that really rearranges your mental furniture, in that way where your same old stuff looks remarkably fresh and renewed. I am recommend.

tour diary: italy, day 4.

season opener.

Tonight's first fish tacos of the summer confirmed that, yes: prepared correctly, these are one of the absolute best things you can be assembling on/in your plate/mouth on a warm sunny day. The lineup for this evening was two regulars (chipotle slaw, pico de gallo) and two variations of familiar themes (papaya/pineapple-madame jeanette salsa and a sweet cucumber relish with a touch of Indian lime pickle). And Bridgetown black beans.

At a certain point we realized that, if I've ever written down the very boring but critically important "fish taco" spice, I can't find it. So here it is.

+++

fish tacos.

fish
cornmeal

salt
black pepper (lots)
onion powder
garlic powder
ground cumin
oregano (a little)
cayenne pepper (a little)

oil fer fryn

+++

tour diary: italy, day 3.

tour diary: italy, day 2.

Our hotel and the theater we were playing at were supposedly in "a bad neighborhood". We didn't really see any evidence of this other than the above street sign.

Meanwhile, in the hotel, I was flying solo b/c J-Kim had stayed at Barbara's the night before and we'd been too pulverized by food bloat after dinner to remember to make plans for this morning. I bounced/crawled out of bed and had a quick and standard Italian breakfast in the "breakfast room":

I took the tram into the center to take a gander at the Duomo, which I've always had a soft spot for because 1) it's fucking Gothic (literally), 2) it took 600 years to build (literally), and 3) inside there's a statue of a guy who's been flayed (literally) and is now wearing his skin draped over his shoulders like a fancy mink stole.

But I didn't go in this time because it was beautiful outside and there was a pretty awesome line. So I just kind of wandered, but with purpose, my purpose being trying to find that magical/mythical street/piazza that's like 3 blocks away from all of the soulcrushing tourism, full of only lunching Italians being Italian, and there's one remaining free table in the sun for me and an icy cold something in the fridge just waiting to be ordered in my bad Italian.

That didn't happen this time. Sometimes it does, but this time I just kept running into one yuck-magnet after another: first EXPO 2015, then something else gross, then I finally ended up at this expensive touristy market next to Castello Sforzesco:

At which point I could take it no longer and decided to have a sit-down whilst dabbing some wonderfully frigid Ichnusa on my sorrows.

This happened a couple more times (the Ichnusa part), then my leisure time was up and I trammed it back to the 'hood to meet J-Kim and the Barbara, who were hanging out in a park near the hotel drinking beer and gesticulating Italianately at each other.

+++

From the park we took a tram to the theater, or, if not directly to the venue, somewhere near the venue. As mentioned previously, on-board navigational information is not a specialty of Italian public transport. The tram we were on did not provide us with any information about what stops were coming up, or what stop we were stopping at, nor was there any real visible signage at the stops. Maybe we were in a bad neighborhood after all.

Eventually we found the place and it looked like this inside.

Above: sound check. Not pictured: the gig. It was an odd one, for many reasons including the fact that the beloved person who set up the gig for us is no longer allowed on the premises due to an ongoing semi-legal dispute. There was a also distinct absence of anything like normal bar conditions or bar patrons, etc. It was not our audience or our kind of room, and our playing never stopped reflecting/illustrating our extreme discomfort. Easily our least successful performance on the 2014 Reunion Tour.

Afterwards, we did what you do after an Italian gig and that is to fill out the SIAE form telling the national copyright enforcement agency what songs you played and who the composers were. Who knows what happens with this information.