Take 1: pretty much total failure, except for the hideous part.
Things that worked: freezing tofu, pulsing the thawed version with seasonings, sauteeing/caramelizing in a pan, then roasting on baking paper to dry everything out.
Things that didn't work: the seasoning. Something went horribly wrong in the earliest stages, leaving a rather nasty aftertaste, and all signs point to either Worcestershire sauce or allspice/pimiento as the culprit. I've had this happen with allspice before, so that's my suspicion. Here's what I think did work:
400g tofu
3 tbsp ketchup
1/3 cup ketjap manis
2 tbsp mustard
1 tsp nutmeg
a lot of black pepper
and then some other spices that I haven't figured out yet.
sauteed in 2 tbsp butter
+++
also:
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