how many times do you live.

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lumache with blue cheese, roasted grapes, and sage butter. 
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2 handfuls seedless red grapes
olive oil 
flaky salt

8 sage leaves
2 tbsp salted butter

50g mascarpone or cream cheese
75g blue cheese
(these cheese amounts are approximate, you want a sauce that mostly tastes like salty blue cheese but is also creamy like mac and cheese)

zest and juice of one lemon
2 tbsp hazelnuts, skinned and coarsely crushed 

1 Belgian endive, coarsely chopped
1 small handful arugula

200g dried lumache rigate (medium-sided ribbed macaroni)

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Roast grapes for 20 minutes at 220, turning halfway through and checking often to make sure nothing's burning. Saute sage leaves in butter on low heat for 10 minutes, careful not to burn the butter. Nutty brown butter is OK. 

Melt cheeses in a small saucepan. Add lemon zest and juice and hazelnuts to melted cheeses, salt to taste. If sauce is a little thick you can add some pasta water during the next step. Cook pasta.  

Toss the pasta in the cheese/nut/lemon sauce, add sage butter, ladle into plates and garnish with grapes, arugula and endive. Sprinkle with flaky salt and freshly cracked black pepper.

Serves 2.

street life.

I just listened to someone outside on the street try to open a bag of Doritos for roughly 90 seconds. I looked outside after the first 30 seconds because the clarity of the sound itself was so incongruous, like why can I hear that like it's happening inside my room and yet I do not have a bag of Doritos. Weirdly, thankfully, I could not hear the triumphant crunches afterwards, but also, if it took you that long to open a bag of Doritos, wouldn't you just Tasmanian Devil fistfuls of that shit for the world to hear. 

how to ruin a night on earth.

 Become convinced that you've lost your wallet. 

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regrets, i've had a few.

 But let's focus on the small lessons first. 

1) If you have a good bakery in your neighborhood, support them. Don't buy shit nutritionless crap that was made 45 minutes away in an industrial warehouse or factory. If you have a good anything in your neighborhood that's owned and operated by people you can actually see and talk to and the vibe is good, spend your money there. 

2) Stop trying to impress or prove yourself to people you just met. None of the people you admire/respect did this when you met them. 

3) The sooner you can get comfortable with silence and inactivity, the better. Filling up your mind with serotonin-jacking distractions will not lead you anywhere, unless that distraction is a creative endeavor, in which case you are one of the luckiest kind of people there is. 

4) There is nothing inherently wrong with routine, for many things this is the only way they can be done. Baking bread, exercise, sobriety, for example. 

5) Work on your flexibility, like yesterday. 

6) If you have never made your own croissant and egg sandwich at home with a great croissant from your local non-industrial bakery, you are missing out on something important. 

7) If you have stage fright or performance anxiety, invest some time in getting over it at the earliest age possible. Being afraid of expressing yourself in front of other people is not going to lead to a more satisfying life. 

8) Addiction is difficult. Try to cut yourself some slack if you are one of the afflicted. 

9) Learn how to give up on things, unless your tendency is to give up on everything, then learn how not to. 

10) Accept that the end is coming, and live your life accordingly. 

self-archival.

like the song says: 

As if i needed a reminder
ohhh that I do only what i wanna
So I go through with this

I knew happiness when I saw it

https://youtu.be/weL8HTY1NJU?si=fd7NXIwFaL-Xsl4V&t=235

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archivaris.

You know what's a really weird way to get to know somebody? 

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kimchi.

I think I made half of this last time, it was perfect.

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green cabbage kimchi.

INGREDIENTS
1 about 3.5 lb (1.5 kg) green cabbage
6 tbsp Korean coarse sea salt divided
2 cup (480 ml) water
1/2 - 1 cup (120 -240 mll) extra water for kimchi brine

1/2 small onion diced
4 cloves garlic
1/2 inch piece ginger chopped
3 tbsp vegetarian fish sauce
2 tbsp cooked white rice 
1 red apple, cored (optional?)
2 tbsp water
4 fresh red chili diced, optional
7 tbsp Korean chili flakes (gochugaru)
1 tbsp sugar
3 green onion chopped

METHOD
Cut and dice the cabbage into 1-1/2 inch pieces. Try to separate the cabbage layers. Rinse them well and place them in a large mixing bowl.

Mix 4 tablespoons of salt with 2 cups of water until the salt dissolves. Pour it over the cabbage and toss well. Sprinkle the remaining salt on top, pressing down gently. Let the cabbage soak for 1 hour, turning it once halfway through.

To make the kimchi paste, combine the onion, garlic, ginger, apple, fish sauce, cooked rice, and about 2 tablespoons of water in a blender to help the blades run smoothly. Puree them until very smooth. Add the fresh chili and pulse a few times to finely process the chili but not pureed completely. Pour the mixture in a bowl and add the gochugaru (Korean chili flakes) and sugar; mix well.

Once the cabbage is wilted, rinse it twice and drain well. Place it in a large mixing bowl, add the green onion and kimchi paste, and, wearing plastic kitchen gloves, toss everything together to coat the cabbage evenly with the seasoning.

Transfer the kimchi to an airtight container. Pour the extra 1/2 to 1 cup of water into the kimchi mixing bowl, swirl it around to collect any remaining kimchi paste, and then pour it back over the kimchi.

Cover the kimchi with the lid and let it sit on a counter for 1 day and then, store in the refrigerator for 3-4 more days for better fermentation.