day 5, covington, madison, savannah.

day 4, atlanta: the walking dead.

A Full Day. Above: what's it mean when there's a black cat outside your hotel room door first thing in the morning? Below: the sidewalk in front of the hotel, probably pointing directly at our room.

Below that: award-winning biscuits, an excellent pancake, and an equally good real live celebrity sighting at Java Jive. Then a well-spent hour or so spent wandering through Highland Row Antiques.

Then Little 5 Points: Wax 'N' Facts. A cheap and dirty plate of vegetable sides at The Euclid Avenue Yacht Club, where we met friendly people who wanted to know more about our country, and who were also drinking bourbon before noon because it was (unbeknownst to us) the Little 5 Points Halloween Festival and Parade. Somehow we have no pictures at all of the 500 people who were dressed up despite sweltering temperatures. And no pictures of the parade itself. Goed gedaan!

But this is because we were meeting The Durians at the Wrecking Bar Brewpub, which we also have no pictures of. We have no pictures of the rather royal table we sat at, nor the corn pups, nor Terrill and Mary's fight, nor the 18-piece brass band that showed up after the parade to play Queen songs, nor the yellow motorcycle in the gas station parking lot playing Luther Vandross at a barely comfortable volume.

Then, only Stuart was hardy and foolhardy enough to accompany us to the Clermont Lounge, where we spent an hour wondering how it still exists. Continuing our dedication to non-documentation, we also have no pictures of Fellini's, where the three of us attempted to put ourselves back together after all of this. We do have a picture that Terrill took from the safety of his library.

day 3, atlanta: scattered smothered and covered.

Leaving Marietta for downtown. Above: Waffle House. Below: pecan waffle, unpictured hashbrowns Scattered, Smothered, and Covered (tm). Cocktails and vegetables at The Highland Tap. Halloween window dressing. Ponce. Finishing up by crashing a comedy show at the Highland Inn.

day 2, atlanta: summit and bridgegate.

Above: Summit Drive. Below: The Pool. The Veranda. Morse. O'Neill. The Spread @ Bridgegate. Il Pastaiolo.

Not pictured: A Day On The Veranda featuring Miller Lite; Dawn's Limo Service; the finished pasta at Bridgegate; the porch; the aftermath at O'Neill's, late-night tooth breaking.

day 1, atlanta. open the gates.

Above: arrival in scenic Marietta, Georgia. Below: conveniently-situated entertainment and accommodations. Not pictured: Christian's "is this really happening?" visit; Dawn's roasted vegetable ziti (delicious, should get the recipe); billiards.

foxtrot. foxtrot. foxtrot.

This trip is currently being rechristened something grander and more extravagant (ed: redundant?) than Vulture Bait 2016. Whereas Vulture Bait 2015 seemed merely overly ambitious and possibly deadly, this 2016 trip seems more moronically relentless and epic in scope. Thus: not a sequel. It's like it's its very own trilogy. Hey, three "it(')s". "Stay tuned."

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WED 12 OCT to MARIETTA til THU 13 OCT
AMS (leaving 13:00) to ATLANTA (arriving 16:45). Pick up the car at the airport and show Cadet Elzer what real traffic is like. Head to O'Neill compound. Crash. This is all about survival, who knows if any of the below things will happen.

Seed. Supposedly the place for a modern bite out in East Cobb. It's in Merchant's Walk, where I hung out as a truant 12-year-old.
Waffle House. You know things are desperate if Waffle House is this high in the culinary pecking order.
Suburban Tap. This would be just to see a slice of my vapid personal history....though I've read you shouldn't eat here anymore.
Mountain Biscuits. I keep hearing that this is the "dead on authentic" place to get a biscuit. Maybe there will be time for a scenic trip out to the Kennesaw Mountain.



FRI 14 OCT to ATLANTA til SAT 15 OCT

Relocating downtown. The goal is moderation and survival, that's two goals but you feel me.

Java Jive. Somewhere I used to eat breakfast kind of often, and supposedly the current possessor of a classic biscuit.
Highland Tap. Possibly the ITP bar where I've spent the most time. It used to be within walking distance, but unfortunately I also went there a lot when it wasn't. Anyway: just one martini. We'll split one.
Clermont Lounge. Just for a peek-a-loo, hope it's not cleaned itself up any now that famous people go there. I once saw a man in assless pants scat-sing the entire Free Bird guitar solo onstage there. And of course Steve's bachelor party spent some rather infamous time here (infamous not for the normal dubious bachelor party strip club reasons, but for the number of people simultaneously vomiting in the parking lot). We'll have One Beer. BRING DOLLAR BILLS.
The Porter. New and way less of an up-its-own-ass caricature than the Vortex seems to have become. Food looks great, and we'll have our second beer here, then WE'RE DONE. Or maybe we just skip to this slightly more-fun-looking place...
Wrecking Bar. This is a Durian recommendation, for "excellent beer and food." They do have arugula flowers, cashew cheese and goat feta on the menu, so probably worth a look, especially if the weather is nice. THIRD AND LAST BEER HERE.
Alon's. It was a barely-tolerable bonanza of yuppie sophistication even 20 years ago, so I can only imagine what it's like now, especially if their parking situation hasn't changed. But then I do still dream of their poppyseed danishes from time to time. Worth a look for breakfast.
Majestic Diner. O'Neill ate a pork chop off the floor here one time. And it's two steps from the hotel.
Callie's Hot Little Biscuit. Notable for being open from 10pm to 2am Friday and Saturday nights and for having a super restaurant name.

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SUN 16 OCT to SAVANNAH 
We're staying just southeast of the city, so getting downtown will probably involve our first Uber ride, which should be "fun".
Tavern at The Olde Pink House. Probably gross but probably a "real Savannah experience." We'll just have something fried and a glass of Planter's Punch.
The Grey. A Chowhound rec.
Crystal Beer Parlor. 80-year old pub that used to be the social nexus of the city, well, according to their press materials.
Green Truck Pub. This just had the kibosh gently placed upon it by Nouf who said it was "like Applebee's after a trip to the beach."
Peg Leg Pete's. Not really a destination, but if we walk past it.

MON 17 OCT to NEW SMYRNA BEACH til TUE 18 OCT, see Marine Discovery Center
Meet Biological Father (booked).  Funny story about that. Turns out that if you haven't seen your biological father in over 40 years, there's probably a good reason.

So we suddenly find ourselves with two days to, ahem, "kill" in the Shark Attack Capital of the World. I'm sorry, truly sorry if you're from New Smyrna Beach, but by all indications it is one of the least-promising cities I've ever planned a trip to.

For starters: the typography. OK I'm 35% joking. But this is typical. See the problem? And the language on the menus...exactly who is the target audience? What adult wants to order a "What the Fig?" or "Are You Chicken?" salad, or a "Tubular Torta with Shackioli"? And just how much hummus does one city really need? It's on every menu, and you know me, if the menu mentions hummus or a wok etc etc etc.

Anyway: it's possible I have some misdirected aggression I'm dealing with, sorry NSB. It's probably not you, it's me...I'm neither a desperate 14-year-old being unwillingly dragged along on a family vacation nor an acid-damaged 48-year-old surfer amused by anything, the two audiences I can imagine not having to order a Grindin' Chimichanga with Shacknaise through clenched teeth. We're just going to treat these two days as a "break".

Third Wave Cafe. By far the most adult-looking food in the hood.
The Breakers. "We'll just have a look." It's a historic landmark?

WED 19 OCT ORLANDO-SALT LAKE CITY
Red Iguana. I kind of think we should go directly from the airport to here, then to the hotel. Kind of seems like a "do-not-miss".

After Red Iguana, everything in my research looks like Disneyland. We know there are interesting people here because of the dangerous-sounding hotel reviews. Here are the current backup plans, but I have a feeling these should really not be used.

Whiskey Street. Ambitious gastropubby food.
Squatter's Pub. Brewpub within walking distance.
da Foco.


THU 20 OCT Drive to MOAB, Arches National Park, via US-15 to Nephi, then US-28 to Salina, then I-70 to San Rafael Swell and Green River
Ray's Tavern. Lunch stop in Green River before Arches.
Quesadilla Mobilia. The #1 restaurant in Moab is a taco truck.
Moab Brewery. Well, more research necessary. Their menu makes me a bit angry.

FRI 21 OCT Drive to BLUFF, see Monument Valley
There are 7 bars/restaurants in Bluff. None of it reeks of promise, so this would probably be a good night for a homey meal and early bed. Hence:
Comb Ridge. "Charming."


SAT 22 OCT Drive to DURANGO, see Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings, need to figure out a plan of attack there
The Office. The "saloon" in our hotel.
Steamworks Brewing Co. Probably just a beer.
Chimayo. Looks like modern fonts haven't really made it out west, but still, this seems like it could be "above average", plus they seem to know what a vegetable is. Aaaaand, not that it means anything at all, but: TA reviews.
Joel's Bar. Sounds like "the place to meet locals."


SUN 23 OCT Drive to OURAY ("The Switzerland of America!") on Million Dollar Highway, stop at Red Mountain Pass
The most important detail about Ouray after "how much snow there will be" is that everything closes at 21:30. Thus it is of critical importance to arrive well before the dinner hour, and we should probably make a reservation.
Buen Tiempo. "Colorado Mexican."
Ouray Brewery. "Delicious beer" says Nouf.


MON 24 OCT Drive to SALIDA, see Black Canyon 
Victoria Tavern. "The Vic" is a "gritty little bar" where locals hang out. Well I've seen a couple recommendations for it.
Amicas. GF wood-fired thin-crust pizza place. supposed to be great, we'll probably need a break from southwestern food by this point anyway.

TUE 25 OCT Drive to TAOS, see Taos Pueblo
Adobe Bar at the Taos Inn. "The living room of Taos."
The Love Apple. A Zora recommendation, looks great, they only have 13 tables so reserve fucker. Cash only.

From Taos, we take a quick trip to the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge via US-64 West. Zora's article will probably prove useful at some point. 

WED 26 OCT Drive to SANTA FE
El Paragua. Possible lunch stop on the way to Santa Fe.
Pasqual's. Nouf insists that we're going here for breakfast and we will be happy to oblige.

THU 27 OCT SANTA FE
FRI 28 OCT Drive to GALLUP, eat in Albuquerque on the way. Hit Gallup Flea Market Saturday morning. 
Everyone says Gallup is a shithole, but we will have just recently spent two days in New Smyrna Fucking Beach (kind of nowhere good to put the "Fucking", is there), so it'll be kind of a Battle of the Shitholes.


SAT 29 OCT Drive to PHOENIX, Collapse.
SUN 30 OCT PHOENIX, Continue collapsing.
MON 31 OCT PHOENIX, Halloween.
TUE 01 OCT PHOENIX, Relax. (EDITOR'S NOTE: bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha......snifff....sniff....bWAAAAAAAAAhahahahhaahhahaaha)
WED 02 NOV NE Leaves
FRI 11 NOV MEM Leaves

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newniss.

That's one of the nicest things about cooking, wouldn't you say. That you can completely ignore or forget about a concept or ingredient for years and years and then one day, holy shit, something fresh and exciting and thoroughly repeatable. The first is a "chopped salad", the second is the too-fucking-trendy spelt "risotto", both made out of a semi-desperate attempt to use up things in the kitchen.

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nancy's chopped salad with oregano dressing.

4 cloves garlic

1 tbsp dried oregano 

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
juice of 1 lemon

1/4 cup red wine vinegar

1/4 cup olive oil

1 and 1/2 cups cooked chickpeas or white beans, drained
1 small red onion, peeled and sliced into paper-thin rings

100g hard italian cheese (well, I used Parmesan, the original recipe calls for Provolone)
100-200g salami, peeled, sliced thin/small, or this could be tuna, or possibly a hard-boiled egg
4 small pickled pepperoncini, sliced into rings

200-300g cherry tomatoes, halved

Sea salt

1 head iceberg lettuce (see Note about size), halved, cored, and cut in 1/2-inch ribbons

1 head radicchio, halved, cored and cut in 1/4-inch ribbons

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sorry, no thai puns.

Yes, no comment, other than "Hey, here is another pretty successful Thai recipe", one that might perhaps benefit from being strained before re-adding the vegetables.

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thai green curry.

10 green Holland peppers
1 green bell pepper
3 stalks lemon grass, bottom part only
2 large shallots
2 heads garlic, peeled (that’s right, heads)
a 1-inch piece of galangal, peeled
1 tsp shrimp paste or vegetarian boullion if you're aiming vegan
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp salt
1 tsp cilantro stems

1 can coconut milk
1 small eggplant
1 courgette
1 tsp fish sauce or 1 tbsp good soy sauce
1 tbsp brown sugar
5 kaffir lime leaves

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spicy basil tofu.

Mm yes, no time for elaboration, this was just a surprisingly authentic-tasting version of Spicy Basil Anything.

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spicy basil tofu. 

400g tofu
cornmeal or semolina for making a thin non-stick coating
your favorite frying medium

6 cloves garlic
1 small onion or the equivalent amount of shallots
2 tsp fresh cilantro roots/stems
2 stalks fresh lemongrass (the lower 3 inches of the stalk, tough outer leaves discarded), chopped
2 tsp of fresh galangal root (laos)
2 tbsp peanut or coconut oil
1 tbsp crushed red pepper flakes (or less, mine were pretty mild...the original recipe calls for 8-10 dried red chiles)
1/2 tsp salt

2 or 3 bell peppers, red or yellow, sliced
1 fresh red Holland chile, sliced
1 small sweet onion, sliced
black pepper

2 tbsp fish sauce or good soy sauce
2 tsp brown sugar

one seriously big handful of Thai holy basil, or failing that, reglar ol' basil

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i know, let's split up.

After your third horror movie in three nights,, everything you see or do takes on a freshly sinister significance. Last night we'd just finished It Follows, after the previous night's The Babadook, and the (vastly shiittier) Conjuring 2 before that.

So the movie ends and we say "yeah, good one", and I walk to the kitchen and see this knife on the counter. When I'd left it there it was just an (impressive) kitchen knife, but now....well. I said ha ha that's funny, isn't it, normal things are sinister now, and then noticed the back door was open. OK everything is now scary? Boo. I went to lock the back door. Which while I was doing it was even scarier than noticing it was open.























I shared this with Nelson and we laughed and said oh ha ha that's totally true! But also totally stupid isn't it! Then, while still chuckling I sighed and said "OK I'm going to walk the dog." She immediately said, "OK I'm going to take a shower." Jesus, the camera might as well cut directly to the external POV of someone watching us through the window while breathing heavily or growling. Maybe I should grab a useless weapon like a broomstick or a poodle to take with me as I go out into the dark suburban night.

Ha ha ha we said.
Nelson turned on the shower and smiled very sarcastically. I sighed again and picked up the dog leash.
"OK, good luck!!!" we said.

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I survived the dog walk but just barely. The streets were (seemed) deserted, but at one point Merle was behind me and his extender leash scraped on the ground in a weird way and I jumped. When we finally made it home of course the back door that I'd carefully locked before I left was open again and the shower was ominously still running.

you, sir, are bogus.

Nelson had to go to De Hallen yesterday, and we made the mistake of being reaallllllly hungry by the time we got there. She also made the mistake of being vegetarian and I made the mistake of eating like one.

When you're in a Blood Sugar Emergency you make decisions that you wouldn't normally. For example the first thing Der Nelsker did was to order four pieces of baklava from Filiz Manti. This was the one ray of sunshine on an otherwise dark and stormy afternoon of eating: after 30 seconds of careful num-numming, the rating was 8/10.

Then she ordered a falafel roll from Maza, who normally make one of the falafel options you see in the supermarket, so it seemed reasonable to expect a serviceable chomp experience. In short, "this thing was not very good" she said, in addition to being "bloody expensive" she said and to add insult to injury their bottled water cost "3 euro each" she said. I wouldn't eat there if I were you.

So to save the day. I decided to fucking spring into action, you know, cheer us up and all by ordering something unusual and exciting! This ended up being a veggie dog from Bulls and Dogs, whose sausage-related concoctions looked like one of the most unusual and exciting! or best and/or most decadent things people were walking around with.

Until you took a flash photo of them that is. OK I admit, these two pictures were taken after we had thoroughly sampled the sandwich and declared it "insultingly bogus", and so we were really just trying to insult the sandwich back with these photos. I think the sausage is even missing by this point. And yes that is fucking popcorn on this hotdog.

I know, it looks gross enough to be good, but since we ate the two thin slivers of sausage out of it already you can't tell that there's just wayyyy too much dry and uninteresting pretzel roll, and that the slaw was cut too thick, plus it didn't complement the sandwich in any way taste-wise. And then whatever that is that was supposed to be a hummus mayo or something? I don't know. Ugh. It wasn't bad, exactly. The sausage itself really was pretty delicious, so, props! but the rest....."just because you have all the ingredients doesn't mean you have to put them all together in one sandwich." Our biggest issue was the pretension.

Today we go back for another round, weirdly enough. Targets are vegetarian sushi at Meneer Temaki and/or banh mi at Việt View.

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