This worked pretty well as something to put on a witte puntje so as not to slit ones wrists due to boredom.
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sloppy go.
1 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp gochujang
2 tsp vinegar
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sake
1 tbsp minced garlic
1 tbsp honey
200g plant-based ground meat, unflavored
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Since the royal we is having a sober summer, here's a NYT recipe that just crossed my path, this makes a lot.
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phony negroni.
1 medium navel orange
10 hibiscus tea bags, such as Celestial Seasonings Red Zinger
1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns
1 tablespoon whole cloves
½ cup sugar
2 (12-ounce) cans tonic
1 cup unsweetened grapefruit juice
Ice, for serving
Orange wedges, for serving
Use a vegetable peeler to peel the orange, avoiding as much white pith as possible. In a small saucepan, combine the orange peel with the tea bags, peppercorns, cloves and 2 cups water. Bring to a boil over high heat.
Add the sugar and cook, stirring, until dissolved, about 1 minute. Cover, remove from the heat and let cool completely, about 2 hours. Strain the tea and discard the solids. The cooled, brewed tea can be refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.
To serve, in a large pitcher, stir together the tea, tonic water, grapefruit juice and about 1 cup ice. Divide among rocks glasses filled with ice and garnish with orange wedges.
Tip: To make one serving, fill a rocks glass with ice. Pour in 1 ounce of grapefruit juice, 2 ounces of the tea and 3 ounces of tonic water; stir to mix. Garnish with an orange wedge.
Recipe in progress.
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risotto with daikon or sweet potato and miso butter.
3 tbsp sesame oil, separated, possibly less, or actually use this amount
6 scallions, whites and greens separated
1 tbsp microplaned ginger, possibly twice this? version 1.0 did not taste remotely of ginger
1 cup shortgrain rice
3/4 cup sake or white wine
2 cups porcini or dashi stock (1 cube)
1 tbsp miso
2 tbsp butter
300g daikon or sweet potato, obviously two very different choices
250g chestnut mushrooms, halved or quartered
Heat oven to 200°C.
Toss daikon and mushrooms in 1 tbsp sesame oil. Roast daikon and mushrooms for 35 minutes, turning halfway through.
In a medium ovenproof saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add onion and ginger and cook, stirring until translucent, 5 to 8 minutes. Add rice, and stir until grains are shiny and well coated with oil, about 2 minutes more. Add wine, and continue cooking and stirring until liquid is absorbed, 3 to 5 minutes.
Add stock, stir to combine. Cover saucepan; transfer to oven. Bake until almost all of the stock is absorbed, about 25 minutes. While it's baking combine miso and butter to make, you guessed it, miso butter. Take the rice out, check for doneness, it should still be barely inedible. Add roasted vegetables, return to oven. After 6-8 minutes, remove from oven, add miso butter. Serve immediately, topped with the scallion greens or your choice of garnish. Furikake? Togarashi-spiced Rice Krispies? Crispy onions is the easy answer.
Serves 4, sometimes less.
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Made it 4 times so far, it's solid.
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mushroom bourguignon.
6 tablespoons butter
450g mushrooms, quartered
250g shallots or sweet onions (one big onion is fine)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 carrots, cut into coins
1 parsnip, possibly 2 if you like them, cut into whatever shape you like
3 garlic cloves (2 minced, 1 grated to a paste)
1 tablespoon tomato paste
2½ tablespoons all-purpose flour
1½ cups dry red wine
1½ cups beef, mushroom or vegetable broth
2 tbsp tamari or soy sauce, plus more to taste
3 large fresh thyme branches or ½ teaspoon dried thyme
1 rosemary sprig
2 bay leaves
optional
Smoked paprika, for serving
Polenta, egg noodles or mashed potatoes, for serving
Finely chopped flat-leaf parsley, for serving
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Add 2 tablespoons butter or oil to a large Dutch oven or pot and set it over medium heat. When hot, stir in half the mushrooms and half the shallots/onions and throw in the rosemary sprig. (If it doesn’t all fit in the pot in one layer, you might have to do this in three batches, rather than two.) Without moving them around too much, cook the mushrooms until they are brown on one side, about 3 minutes. Stir and let them brown on the other side, 2 to 3 minutes more. Use a slotted spoon to transfer mushrooms and onions to a large bowl or plate and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Repeat with another 2 tablespoons butter and the remaining mushrooms and onions, seasoning them with salt and pepper as you go. Finish by removing the last batch of mushrooms and onions from the pan.
Reduce heat to medium-low. Add another 1 tablespoon butter or oil to pan. Add carrot and parsnip and sauté until lightly golden and everything starts to soften, 5 minutes. Add the 2 minced garlic cloves and sauté for 1 minute longer. Stir in tomato paste and cook for 1 minute. Stir in flour and cook, stirring, for 1 minute, then add wine, broth, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, thyme and bay leaf, scraping up the brown bits at bottom of pot.
Add reserved cooked mushrooms and onions back to the pot and bring to a simmer. Partly cover the pot and simmer on low heat until carrots and onions are tender and sauce is thick, 30 to 40 minutes. Taste and add more salt and soy sauce if needed. Stir in the grated garlic clove and saute for 2 minutes. Serve over polenta, noodles or mashed potatoes, topped with minced parsley and a tiny pinch of smoked paprika if you feel like it.
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The most adult mac and cheese possible.
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sage and blue cheese mac + cheese with hazelnuts and red grapes.
INGREDIENTS
2 handfuls seedless red grapes
olive oil
flaky salt
8 sage leaves
2 tbsp salted butter
50g mascarpone or cream cheese
75g blue cheese
(these cheese amounts are approximate, you want a sauce that mostly tastes like salty blue cheese but is also creamy like mac and cheese)
zest and juice of one lemon
2 tbsp hazelnuts, skinned and coarsely crushed
1 Belgian endive, coarsely chopped
1 small handful arugula
200g dried lumache rigate (medium-sided ribbed macaroni)
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METHOD
Roast grapes for 20 minutes at 220, turning halfway through and checking often to make sure nothing's burning. Sauté sage leaves in butter on low heat for 10 minutes, careful not to burn the butter. Nutty brown butter is OK.
Melt cheeses in a small saucepan. Add lemon zest and juice and hazelnuts to melted cheeses, salt to taste. If sauce is a little thick you can add some pasta water during the next step. Cook pasta.
Toss the pasta in the cheese/nut/lemon sauce, add sage butter, ladle into plates and garnish with grapes, arugula and endive. Sprinkle with flaky salt and freshly cracked black pepper.
Serves 2.
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I just listened to someone outside on the street try to open a bag of Doritos for roughly 90 seconds. I looked outside after the first 30 seconds because the clarity of the sound itself was so incongruous, like why can I hear that like it's happening inside my room and yet I do not have a bag of Doritos. Weirdly, thankfully, I could not hear the triumphant crunches afterwards, but also, if it took you that long to open a bag of Doritos, wouldn't you just Tasmanian Devil fistfuls of that shit for the world to hear.
