28.2.21

a small victory.

This was something I wrote on Instagram that I will put here also in an attempt to remind me that I can also just write without a 2,200 character limit.

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Loath to do this here (also loath to begin any sentence with “loath”) but there is supposed to be a public component so here it is. It’s hardly controversial to declare that the last 365 days have been generally unprecedented in our lifetimes. It might be slightly more controversial to declare (possibly hyperbolically) that the value of modern hyperbolic language has kind of been exhausted, that we’re so far off the scale of normality in 2021 that there’s barely any point in exaggerating for effect anymore, because hey, whatever it is, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR, you never know. So i am not exaggerating when i say that I never ever fucking imagined that one day I’d be declaring, in “public”, with a nebulous mix of pride and embarrassment, that I haven’t had any alcohol in 370 days. And that it would be 100% true. And that it would be accompanied by such a pure, non-rationalized feeling of liberation and relief. I never believed that “sober people” were ACTUALLY happy about not drinking, I thought for sure it was something they had to desperately brainwash themselves into believing. It feels wrong to say I hope I never become the non-drinker that always turned me off of non-drinkers, but it’s true, I do hope that. And I know I’m also fucking that up with this post. But I will squirt out one more cliche and cheesy thing before mercifully stopping and never posting about this shit ever again: if you are tired of your relationship with alcohol and want to change it; if it is making you more miserable than carefree: once you stop for a while, at least months, for me it was certainly more than 3 months but who really knows, there is a switch that will eventually flip where the genuine relief of not being dominated by alcohol and the genuine dread of falling back into that increasingly relentless and horrifying cycle are more powerful than any anxiety you might have or imagine having over the grim-sounding “life without alcohol”. And when it happens, this switch will feel natural and normal and unforced, unexaggerated for effect. Do it now while there are no social events to struggle through.

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15.11.20

huaraches.

masa
1 cup masa
1/4 tsp salt
pinch ground cumin
pinch ground chile of your choice
1 tbsp room temp butter

3 tsp ancho chile paste
1 tsp BBQ sauce
2/3 cup warm water

build
1) black beans + green salsa + cotija cheese + squirt of lime + cilantro
2) poblanos + provolone + cotija cheese + mushrooms + lime + basil 

Stir dry ingredients together. 
Incorporate butter. 
Add ancho and BBQ sauce. 
Gradually add warm water with one hand while kneading with the other. 

Roll into tennis ball size. 
Make dimple for beans or poblanos, fill, cover seam. 
Flatten between two pieces of baking paper. 
Toast in a skillet for 3 minutes a side. 
These can hang out like this until: 
Fry in butter or oil, 2 minutes a side. 
Top. Serve. 

Makes 3 decent sized huaraches. 

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12.11.20

9.33 months.

18.9.20

7.5 months bitches.

 But in actuality I'm not even counting anymore, it's just happening. I am thinking about coming back here to write! Let's see. 

4.8.20

6 months no drinkie.

I do have a pounding headache however. 

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17.7.20

19.6.20

2020, still.

Not really the best year on record is it. This opening sentence reminds me of blogs I used to read while I was still blogging and reading blogs, when I would think "what are you writing for?" I guess it's more productive than watching TV (remember TV?). But this, whatever it is...I don't really understand.

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